I grew up in the Christian church, so naturally, we talked about God a lot.
I heard many times the story of creation in Genesis, in which God creates the world and all living creatures in just 6 days. It’s a poetic little story.
Many believers take it to be metaphorical, some literal, but my favorite interpretation is the one the internet has stumbled upon with the “God creating _____” meme.
The truth is, life on earth is pretty weird. If all these creatures were designed, they were designed with some odd choices.
Here’s some examples of what might have been going through God’s mind when he was making certain animals:
GOD: my latest creation will have the body of an ape, the voice box of a parrot, the skin of a pig, and the intelligence of a dolphin. I call it Human, and it will destroy everything else I've made
ANGELS: [confused applause]
— wwwdmmmffnn (@woodmuffin) January 27, 2019
[inventing the parrot]
HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
— nurse ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) February 18, 2015
God: you can breathe underwater!
God: also eat and drink underwater.
Fish: so where do I go to the bathroom?
Fish: just on the land or something?
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) January 13, 2019
*creation of the kangaroo*
God: Okay so the deer was a big hit let’s work off that
Angel 1: What if it could carry it’s offspring with it for protection
God: Okay that’s kind of weak Sharon but we’ll add it
Angel 2: What if it could kick the sh^t out of you
God: There it is
— G. L. (@ginadivittorio) January 25, 2018
GOD: We shouldn't do this drunk
ANGEL: 10 lol
ANGEL *mouthful of pizza* 25
CENTIPEDE: *tearing up* stop giving me legs, I look stupid
GOD: ONE HUNDRED LOL
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) June 4, 2018
God *giggling*: They are gonna be so tiny.
Angel *writing*: ants… tiny… got it.
God *suddenly tearing up*: but omg so strong.
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) November 23, 2018
[God creating a turkey]
God: Make it like a sh^tty brown peacock…
Animal technician: Anything else?
God: Hang a nut-sack on it's face lol
— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) June 1, 2015
[god creating bees]
Put a needle on its butt.
“Come on God, wha—“
Make its puke delicious.
— neo bersani (@athleisure_monk) April 8, 2015
[God creating spiders]
"Make it have 8 legs"
Seems excessive but ok
"And 8 eyes"
You need to calm down a li-
"Give it a b*tt rope"
— matt (@dogfather) June 18, 2016
1. Praying Mantis
[God creating praying mantis]
Make an insect that does karate
Now make it bite her husband's head off
Angel: dude we need to talk
— Bownuggets (@Bownuggets) January 11, 2016
I think I’ll take these tweets and use them as the first section of my new holy book. Gotta keep myself busy, after all.
What do you think is the weirdest animal?
Vote in the comments.