There’s a cliche sort of scintillating shorthand in so many movies and TV shows. You’ve got a character to introduce (usually a guy) and you need to show that he’s kind of living wildly, so you have him wake up naked next to some attractive young woman who’s name, we find out, he can’t remember.
But how much is this really happening? And how much does anyone really like it?
One user took to r/UnpopularOpinion to parse things out.
Casual sex and one night stands are overrated and unfulfilling
It seems media has made sleeping around casually and hooking up look like a liberating experience. You meet someone, you may or may not know their name, then you have sex with them. You do this every week or so, never getting to know the person except physically. I’m not one of those you should play hard to get or make em wait people but I think you should at least feel a deep affection first. We all know that sex feels great. But having an intimate conversation with someone, being vulnerable with a person you trust, & expressing your passions can bring a much more fulfilling experience. A lot of times we feel ashamed and regret sleeping with the person soon after. Yet, giving yourself completely to someone you have a deep reverence and compassion for does the exact opposite usually. We all have the power of choice and with that comes great responsibility. Let’s be a bit more thoughtful of who we decide to give ourselves to. Stop trying to fill that void and find more meaningful outlets and ways to connect.
And how did the people of Reddit respond? Let’s dive into the discourse.
1. “After a while it gets really old.”
Yep, after awhile it gets really old and you just want to have a real connection with someone. I distinctly remember the moment where I realized enough was enough and that I wanted a girlfriend after a couple years of casual relationships.
The worst part, and what probably pushed me over the edge, was when they wanted to get brunch the morning after. It was always so awkward and deflating, and made it obvious that this was no way to live life.
2. “The feeling is beyond words”
So very true. I’ve had commitment issues my whole adult life but particularly in college. Ended up passing on some amazing women because of my emotional unavailability. I’ve worked through this now and tried to fix my relationship with my mother where I think caused most problems. I remember thinking I was the coolest at the time but the more it went on the emptier I felt.
I’m now with an amazing girl who truly completes me. I do not deserve her by any means but everyday I wake up just a bit before her and I watch her wake up and think how crazy lucky I am to have a life partner like her. The feeling is beyond words and I wish I met her years and years ago. She doesn’t know it yet but there’s not a doubt in my mind that she is my wife. I’m proposing in August.
Keep the faith guys!
3. “The hopeless romantic type”
My first relationship (started at 15) lasted 9 years so I ended up being kinda late to the casual thing.
I didn’t think I would like it much, I’m more of the hopeless romantic type. I’ve had a few over the years now and I mean… it’s not terrible, but it’s certainly missing some of the depth of a well known partner.
You basically exchange knowing your partner and being into them emotionally for the thrill of someone new. The thrill is pretty good, don’t get me wrong, but I’ll always take the long term partner over it.
That said if you find the right person, FWB situations can be pretty good. It’s kind of like a mix of both. You don’t love them, but you like them, and you get to know them in bed too. If you aren’t after a relationship it’s better than random hook-ups imo. Long term > FWB > randoms.
4. “Still crazy about him”
A friend had tried to hook up with me for years, but i turned him down. I wasn’t into casual.
I finally decided I wanted something easy with no strings.
We’ve been married for 20 years and our oldest is graduating this year. I’m still crazy about him and the s** is incredible.
5. “So awkward.”
They’re so awkward too the next day.
When I’ve had one night stands, I’d be drunk that night and so waking up sober in some stranger’s bed is h**la awk and uncomfy
6. “Never gonna happen”
I could confidently say I’ll never have one night stand.
How the h**l are you not gonna put a night stand on both sides of your bed? Gotta go with two.
About the s**? Yeah that’s never gonna happen either lmao.
7. “I could never do that”
S** is definitely better when you personally know that person.
You’re showing vulnerability mentally, emotionally, and obviously physically.
I could never do that with some random stranger.
8. “Let people do as they please”
given that this sub only upvotes Highly popular opinions … and that reddit is full of sad, self deprecating, and lonely people (tho not exclusively) and of course people who like making others feel bad for their choices… this makes sense it reached the front page.
let people do as they please. if sleeping around is what they like them let them live. if not being monogamous makes them happy. let them be. and if they don’t want to be vulnerable then there’s nothing wrong with that.. respect other people’s decisions.
9. “Completely different versions of the same thing”
lots of weird comments here.
Like a family cooked dinner with all my loved ones is more fulfilling than stuffing my face with fried chicken.
I still love fried chicken though.
It’s two completely different versions of the same thing.
10. “The lifetime average”
This is a topic the mainstream media pushes too in addition to division, strife, and whatever else.
How the f**k is everyone f**king weekly if the goddamn lifetime average is 7?
11. “Not fulfilling”
I had a FWB before marriage… It was not fulfilling for me personally.
I understand some may enjoy it, but you have to have the personality to not need personal connection to enjoy s**.
I’ve come to describe casual s** like eating a chocolate bar when you’re hungry: sure, it takes the edge off your hunger, but if you could have something more (ful)filling (like a steak), you would prefer that instead of the candy.
12. “Different preferences”
Different people have different preferences.
If you personally prefer one or the other that’s fine but don’t act as if your preferences are superior and talk down to anyone who likes casual s**
13. “It depends on my mood”
Like everything in life, it depends on the situation.
Sometimes I’m just looking for s**…got an itch that needs scratching.
And sometimes I’m lonely and looking for an actual connect/relationship. It depends on my mood.
14. “Stop giving your attention to media”
Maybe stop giving your attention to media that as you say promotes the antithesis of what you believe in.
Some people are into that s**t; many aren’t.
Perhaps consider avoiding the forms of media that make you think that’s a common belief.
15. “The only thing I want”
It depends on individual desires.
I myself have zero romantic aspirations.
Because of this, physical pleasure is the only thing I have to gain from fornication, and the only thing I want from it.
I guess at the end of the day the answer is…why not both?
But what do you think of all this?
Give us your thoughts in the comments.