An Explanation On Why I Can’t Get Over the Story About the Girl with the Ribbon Around Her Neck

Good afternoon, everybody. Today, I’d like to discuss the source of a lot of childhood trauma for a LOT of kids from my generation.

So, do you remember reading this book as a kid?

Among the many slightly creepy not-entirely-appropriate-for-kids stories in the book was one called “The Green Ribbon” about a girl named Jenny with a ribbon around her neck.

Jenny was ALWAYS wearing that ribbon around her neck. Some dude named Alfred even asks her what the deal is.

But Jenny never gave a straight answer to that question. Hell, Alfred even MARRIED HER and she still didn’t say anything about it.

They grow old together and Jenny gets sick. As she’s on her deathbed, she FINALLY tells him why she always wore that ribbon…

… Because she’s a fre*kIN’ ZOMBIE whose head woulda fallen off without that ribbon!!!!

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT!!!!?????!!!???

Seriously, Jenny, WTF?!?

I suppose the clues were there. She was super pale…

Still, “You’re a decapitated zombie” is hardly anyone’s first guess. Jenny unties her ribbon..

And I sh^t you not, her head FALLS ON THE FLOOR.

This story had me suspiciously side-eyeing girls who wore chokers for years.

And seriously, Alfred, my man, how do you not ask more questions? He’s just over here like:

“Seems legit.”

In conclusion, this book thoroughly f*cked us all up as kids.