Let’s talk about The Dating Game. Not the old game show where people tried to answer questions as lewdly as was allowed at the time, a different thing. (Side note – did you know that show was on for TWENTY ONE YEARS? Redonkulous.)
Anyway, the Dating Game we’re talking about today is a hypothetical one posed by Reddit user TeoLikesReddit.
The prompt goes as follows:
And with that, TeoLikesReddit, who, apparently…likes Reddit, set off an endless cascade of video game-inspired dating tips.
Here are a few of the highlights.
1. Everything in moderation.
Don’t spam the ‘praise button’
2. Keep it put away.
From Oblivion: “People don’t like it if you talk to them with your weapon drawn.”
3. Wait, that’s illegal?
STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM
4. You might get hurt.
Friendly fire is enabled watch out
5. Hit ’em with your best shot.
If the target isn’t charmed by random animal facts, try dinosaur facts instead.
6. These are fight or flight scenarios.
Tip: Don’t Run Away Mid-sentence
7. I am not throwing away my shot.
Be careful as high level bosses can one shot you.
8. You may not come back from this.
Remember, there is no respawning in this game mode.
9. Also, hold “ex” to lose game immediately.
Hold X to run away
10. Playing on hard mode.
What follows is frontline combat.
You are not expected to survive.
11. Focus +100.
Tip: Don’t stand in one spot staring awkwardly.
Use attacks like humor, smiling, and good breath on combination with the passive ability of not looking at her chest.
12. Keep it clean.
Have you bathed today?
Bathing regularly adds +5 to charisma and +10 to tolerability.
Cologne can potentially boost stat higher but mistaking axe body spray as a shower in the can heavily reduces all stats.
13. Eyes on the prize.
Remember: The goal of this game is not to win your crush.
This is a side quest.
If you treat it as the main quest, you’re going to be disappointed.
14. Time trials are so stressful.
Tip: remember it takes more than five seconds til a conversation becomes awkward.
Take advantage of the silence to pull off harder hitting combos!
15. And of course…
Don’t send dick pics
Words of wisdom all around. I wonder if this game is coming to the PS5? If so I might actually need to shell out the second mortgage it takes to get one.
What tips would you add to this list?
Let us know in the comments.