Let’s talk about The Dating Game. Not the old game show where people tried to answer questions as lewdly as was allowed at the time, a different thing. (Side note – did you know that show was on for TWENTY ONE YEARS? Redonkulous.)

Anyway, the Dating Game we’re talking about today is a hypothetical one posed by Reddit user TeoLikesReddit.

The prompt goes as follows:

If talking to your crush was a video game, what would some of the loading screen tips be?
by inAskReddit

And with that, TeoLikesReddit, who, apparently…likes Reddit, set off an endless cascade of video game-inspired dating tips.

Here are a few of the highlights.

1. Everything in moderation.

Don’t spam the ‘praise button’

– qperA6

2. Keep it put away.

From Oblivion: “People don’t like it if you talk to them with your weapon drawn.”

– CupboardNose

3. Wait, that’s illegal?


– itsybitsybosmer

4. You might get hurt.

Friendly fire is enabled watch out

– palolike

5. Hit ’em with your best shot.

If the target isn’t charmed by random animal facts, try dinosaur facts instead.

– Mamlucky

6. These are fight or flight scenarios.

Tip: Don’t Run Away Mid-sentence

– EthanC15

7. I am not throwing away my shot.

Be careful as high level bosses can one shot you.

– Bruh_Man14

8. You may not come back from this.

Remember, there is no respawning in this game mode.

– SpicyPotato100

9. Also, hold “ex” to lose game immediately.

Hold X to run away

– Daily_memes430

10. Playing on hard mode.

What follows is frontline combat.

You are not expected to survive.

– Danjlinger

11. Focus +100.

Tip: Don’t stand in one spot staring awkwardly.

Use attacks like humor, smiling, and good breath on combination with the passive ability of not looking at her chest.

– djfishfingers

12. Keep it clean.

Have you bathed today?

Bathing regularly adds +5 to charisma and +10 to tolerability.

Cologne can potentially boost stat higher but mistaking axe body spray as a shower in the can heavily reduces all stats.

– demonardvark

13. Eyes on the prize.

Remember: The goal of this game is not to win your crush.

This is a side quest.

If you treat it as the main quest, you’re going to be disappointed.

– bicyclewaffle

14. Time trials are so stressful.

Tip: remember it takes more than five seconds til a conversation becomes awkward.

Take advantage of the silence to pull off harder hitting combos!

– Migboi

15. And of course…

Don’t send dick pics

– sirmeliodasdragonsin

Words of wisdom all around. I wonder if this game is coming to the PS5? If so I might actually need to shell out the second mortgage it takes to get one.

What tips would you add to this list?

Let us know in the comments.