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Fellas. Bring it in. We need to talk. Specifically, we need to talk about the way we talk to women/people we’re attracted to, because this is like…CRAZY out of hand.

There is an absolutely bananas thread on Reddit right now that starts with this prompt:

Ladies of reddit, what was the weirdest dm you ever got from a guy? from AskReddit

It sadly comes as no surprise that there are thousands of responses, each more bonkers than the last. Check out just a few of the weirdest that floated to the top (probably goes without saying, but, many of these are very NSFW):

1. All in the Family

From a guy in Spain who has the same (uncommon) last name as me: Hey, I think we are cousins? I hope not, I’ve always wanted to f*ck an American.

– franc_18

2. Premature Proposal

Will you marry me? – from my college boyfriend of 1 day

– lil_peanut20

3. No. Period.

do you want me to take your period away for 9 months

– slowdownmiah

4. Absolutely Floored

“send floor pics” said some male from discord. Stared at the DM confused, and politely denied him, but he follows it up with,

“I just like nice floors, several states allow beastiality yet I’m in the wrong here?” I still don’t understand

– Jixieq

5. Double Trouble

I just got a message the other day from a guy asking me to send him ten grand immediately.

Yeah ok, typical Nigerian Prince sh*t… however when I told him he was a f*cking idiot for thinking anyone would actually do that, he hit me with a d*ck pic.

I was NOT expecting that. It’s like the two most annoying types of messages you can receive combined.

I’m almost impressed.

– itaint2009

6. Getting Behind

A guy sent me a video of him spreading his *ss cheeks.

Every time I blocked him, he would make a new account and do it again.

It’s happened 3 times.

Don’t know who he is and doesn’t show his face.

But I know his *ss when I see it.

– vivi4200

7. Domestic Bliss?

One of those dms that was describing a scenario, but straight off the bat. No hello, how’s it going, just…

‘I unlock the door. You’re standing by the stairs, looking angry. “What time do you call this! Your dinner is in the trash!’ you shout. I put down my keys and stride towards you. I grab you by the hair and lead you upstairs. I lay you down and take off your pantyhose. You giggle as you let out a pungent fart. It fills my nostrils and…’

I have never blocked anyone so damn fast.

– ACakeCalledDenial

8. Moving In

In a relationship app, I received messages from several men offering me a green card.

There is nothing in my bio indicating that I want to move to the USA…

– DELAIZ

9. Toe the Line

“Do you ever wear heels to class so that people can see you toe cleavage?”

– scarletnightingale

10. Guys Disguised

I’m a guy, but I got DMs for a short while by a guy who claimed he knew I was a girl and I couldn’t fool him.

Eventually I blocked him.

– billbapapa

11. Ask Stupid Questions…

“Do you have genitals”

I responded no, I’m a eunuch.

He never replied

– medievalfurby

12. Happy Endings

“how many four year olds do you think you could kill before the four year olds kill you?” Or something like that.

We dated for a couple of months.

– ggsunrise

13. Hot Reads

Weirdest I can remember is this guy who recorded himself reading erotic fanfiction he had written himself and wanted me to listen to it.

– yowhatupmom

14. To the Point

“Head? 🤭”

– furbyhater69

15. Almost Had Me

I’m not a girl, But a guy has said this to me.

“Hey baby, Why don’t you come over and give me a good sucking with that mouth of yours. Here’s my snapchat” and then proceeded to send me a rickroll link.

– rudrachuwan

In case any of my fellow…fellows haven’t gotten the point yet – DON’T BE LIKE THIS. Talk to people like they’re people. A little flirting is fine but this is not a competition to see who can say the weirdest thing. OK? Like. Chill.

What’s the weirdest DM you’ve ever gotten?

Tell us in the comments.