It’s easy for most of us to point out the things in our own lives we don’t like. But it can be a little tougher to put yourself in the shoes of another identity, and from there, try to see what new problems you would face. That’s the sort of circumspection that comes from questions like this one, posted by Reddit user cnadianreject565:
There were a LOT of responses. Tens of thousands. Even so, they focused mainly on a few recurring topics. Here’s some examples:
1. Suspicion about men in care-taking roles.
Being a father of a daughter or even babysitting. The complete mistrust that people give them is astonishing.
If she starts throwing a tantrum in public, people always assume the worst.
I would want my daughter to give my husband hugs and love him the same as she would love me in public but people just view it differently.
2. Derision for stupid things.
Having everyone discredit and treat you poorly if you’re not over 5’10”
Like you’re a 5’5” guy and every girl turns you down cause of your height.
I know not every girl is heightest but if every single short guy can tell you a couple stories of being turned down cause of their height then I mean come on…
3. Vague but powerful expectations of masculinity.
The constant insecurity of whether you’re ‘man enough’.
4. Not all of them were entirely serious.
you’re the ones who have to kill the big hairy spider
5. The term “real man” is pretty loaded.
Depends on the situation of course but I have seem some real sh^tty expectations of what a “real man” should and should not do.
Granted it’s gotten better, but in some circles it’s still real bad.
I remember being 20 years old and a bunch of us were trying to convince our guy friend not to go out and get into a fight with some dude that would clearly kick his ass. My friend broke down and said he had to, dude messed with his older brother (his brother was a shady mf so who knows who messed with who first) and if he didn’t step up and “defend” his family, he wouldn’t be much of a man.
– [user deleted]
6. Emotional vulnerability, or prohibition thereof.
the cultural norm that men dont have feelings – or shouldnt cry
7. We didn’t all learn how to fight.
Having to be the person physically in charge in a threatening situation. Like always being with a man when walking home from a party in a sketchy area at night.
Yes there is safety in numbers but the dude is expected to be protective regardless of level of awareness, self defensive, or drunken-ness. That’s a lot of pressure.
8. Expected work.
Being expected to be more effective at physical labor, being expected to do more dangerous work, receiving less empathy when struggling with emotional issues.
9. Grosser elements.
Honestly, probably people just assuming that you’ll do all of the gross sh^t that no one else wants to do.
Fixing up the car? Unclogging the toilet? Cleaning out the spider webs in the attic? Scrubbing the mildew out of the bathtub?
Guys are just expected to do it all without complaint because that’s the “manly” thing to do.
10. A little acknowledgement goes a long way.
Not having your emotions taken seriously, then lashing out because of it and then seen as violent because you just want to be understood.
I had that with abusive parents but normally people don’t treat me that way because I’m a woman.
I can’t imagine what an entire life of not having your feelings acknowledged in a healthy way feels like.
“Suck it up and be a man”
11. We gotta take all victims seriously.
If you were a male, and you were a victim of sexual harassment or you were a victim of sexual assault and you went to go tell someone what happened to you, chances are that you will be ignored because society stereotypes think you’re just lying and ALL males like being touched. Which is horsesh^t.
12. Nobody wants to feel like the bad guy.
hands down always being the villain.
a colleague of mine was a bit on the heavier side, but decided to get into shape and started jogging.
so he jogs around his block daily until his smart watch tells him his quota for the day is full. that day he was a bit late but went for a jog when the sun was setting. not many people out there, but as he was on his way, some girls saw him jogging their way, got scared and called the cops on him
13. It’s a tricky line to walk.
Being considered a possible threat by strangers, probably.
Like, I get it, you never know, but it would probably suck.
14. Then there’s this can of worms…
Harsher prison sentences/conditions.
15. Some things depend on the time/place where you live.
Compulsory military service.
It’s good to take time to reflect on what others might be going through. It allows us to get a broader picture, and maybe help out more on the whole.
What do you think about this question?
Let us know in the comments below.