Being married isn’t for the faint of heart, but since so many of us take the plunge, at least we have people to commiserate with, right?
I’d say being able to laugh about the things that drive you bonkers on a daily basis is one of the best and only ways to survive to meet your grandchildren – and these 13 tweets definitely help us out there.
13. And I know you wouldn’t want that.
Husband: Could you have said that with a little less attitude?
Me: I could have but then I wouldn’t be the woman you married.
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) November 17, 2019
12. When you’ve got a winner, stick with it.
[wife in the kitchen] youre not bringing that to my parents house for thanksgiving
[me making the zombie brain dip I made for our halloween party] people went wild for this— brent (@murrman5) November 4, 2019
11. Acts of service, baby.
Me singing Prince: 🎶 I would die for you 🎶
My wife: That’s so nice. Did you take out the trash?
— Eman El-husseini (@emanifique) October 1, 2019
10. There is no point in appealing this decision.
Due to personal reasons I’ll be eating crunchy foods in my husband’s ear this week.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 28, 2019
9. I guess you could catch a movie?
“Now what?”
– Me and my wife at 7:46pm on date night after we’ve already been to Target, Costco and Home Depot.
— dADDisms (@Beagz) November 17, 2019
8. And being covered in strands of discarded hair, to boot.
Every husband's fantasy: Hopping in the shower with his wife and gettin' it on.
Every husband's reality: Hopping in the shower with his wife and getting second-degree burns.
— Moderately Mom (@moderately_mom) October 25, 2019
7. Oh he knew exactly what he was doing, too.
Pray for my husband who I just caught tearing up one of my Bed Bath & Beyond coupons. Like, who did I marry OMG
— yelisa (@beingyelisa) July 22, 2018
6. At least that was the last time she ever asked you to clean the shower.
Me: Bathroom is cleaned.
Wife: Thank you.
Me: Why do we keep the toilet brush in the shower?
Wife: What?
Me: Why is the toilet brush in the shower?
Wife: What the hell are you talking about?
Me: The puffy thing with the handle.
Wife: MY LOOFAH?!
Me: You named the toilet brush?— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 12, 2019
5. Don’t rain on her parade.
Me: KING KONG AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME
My husband: You just killed a spider calm down
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) November 4, 2019
4. Don’t go looking for more work, I always say.
My husband and I have this rule that whoever opens the clean dishwasher has to unload it. It’s been full since 1995.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) November 7, 2019
3. Dream big, man.
I just want my wife to love me the way she loves reality television.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 7, 2019
2. You’ve got my attention.
Me: *knees crack as I’m bending down to twerk*
Husband: You’re doing great so far.
— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) November 10, 2019
1. We go together…on the toilet, after we get salmonella.
My wife is eating raw cookie dough with my candy ass because she's ride or die.
— Aunt Chelle 🏳️🌈☕️😷 (@ravenswng_) October 24, 2019
It’s just nice to know you’re not alone, isn’t it?
What’s the funniest/hardest part about being married, do you think? Share it with us in the comments!