We’ve got some high quality tweets for you today, as always, and while we think just about anyone will enjoy them, women in particular will probably get the biggest kick out of this collection.
And I mean that literally. You will kick your legs around, that’s how funny these tweets are. You will destroy the things in the general vicinity of your legs. Please clear the area of of any pets, children, faberge eggs, normal eggs, or computers.
Because it’s about to be kicky time.
10. The thick of it
Well it never hurts to just check and make sure.
I just took a pregnancy test turns out I’m 100% not pregnant I’m just fat
— arielle✨ (@whoregasmic2) December 27, 2019
9. Skin deep
I’m a dude and my skin has never looked anywhere near this good.
Your skin A man’s skin
using a using a towel
skin care used to clean
routine his car and shoes pic.twitter.com/VwbYWEBogt
— beebz (@DivineDiabetic) December 14, 2019
8. Fake it till you make it
Honestly, me neither.
Look. I’ll fake an orgasm, but I cannot fake an interest in football.
— Brokengirl (@SarcasticSadOne) December 2, 2019
7. The sky’s the limit
Wait, is this true? *furiously googles*
If you think you have a stupid question, just remember NASA engineers once asked Sally Ride if 100 tampons were enough for a 7 day mission.
— SpookySandwich (@MarisaLange) November 19, 2014
6. Shave and a haircut
Just wrap yourself in a bunch of blankets and mummy yourself through the cold times.
Does anyone else not shave in winter bc they think the extra leg hair will insulate them or am I the only bitch who never dresses warm enough
— Sara Levine (@saralememe) December 3, 2019
5. Not my type
There’s all kinds of reasons to wine about it.
Girls have three types of wine nights:
– a chill watch Netflix and eat snacks wine night
– a get all dressed up and sip champagne at a fancy ass bar wine night
– a Samantha is crying over her ex, Ashley is blacked out, and Hannah cannot find her phone wine night
— Women Who Love Wine (@wwlwine) January 7, 2020
4. The big stretch
It’s a great way to start / spend half of your day.
i'm about to go wax, shower, shave, wash my hair and moisturize all in one bathroom session; see you in 6 hours.
— IG @oh.selfcare (@ohhselfcare) January 5, 2020
Sounds like a billion dollar idea if ever I’ve heard one.
Here me out: a spa that serves bottomless champagne and charcuterie, and lets you cuddle puppies in between services
— Women Who Love Wine (@wwlwine) January 9, 2020
2. Reduce, reuse, recycle
Oh totally, I often wear strange flowers on my clothes to normal events.
One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves as women is “oh, yes, I will definitely wear this bridesmaid’s dress again to something!”
— IG: HOEGIVESNOFUCKS (@hgnf_emmers) January 10, 2020
1. A hair too fast
I don’t know, we can’t stop it, please help.
Why does men’s hair grow at the speed of light but women’s hair takes 9 years and a day to grow half a nanometer
— yas (@lolzysz) January 9, 2020
Those are some quality tweets right there. Did you get kicking? Is everything around you ok?
How would you rate your reaction to those tweets?
Tell us all about it in the comments.