They say that all is fair in love and war.

I don’t know why they say that. It’s clearly not true in the slightest. We generally agree that even in war some things need to be off-limits, that’s why we have a whole category of things called “war crimes.” And in love? Obviously not everything is fair. Love is supposed to be, yanno, loving. And nice. How did anybody get it in their heads that that was ground for just anything-goes cruelty?

Anyway, while I go outside and fist fight this weird idiom, you should enjoy these tweets that ride the line between loving fun and war crime.

10. Tomorrow and tomorrow

This is psychological torment on a whole new level.

9. Apples to apples

How do you like DEM?

8. A sense of control

It’s fun to ensure your partner never enjoys themselves.

7. Let’s get things started

How are you gonna pull that off though?

6. No more wire hangers!

As a fellow dude…I’m kinda guessing he doesn’t notice.

5. There is no spoon

When you’re fighting about cereal, things have really hit the fan.

4. Whisk me away

Oh, you are NAUGHTY.

3. Meat me outside

How expensive are we talkin’ here?

2. Taste test

I’m sorry, I passed out from the bland.

1. A vicious cycle

This sounds…really weird.

Sure beats talking to each other!

What’s the pettiest thing you’ve done in a relationship?

Tell us in the comments.