They say that all is fair in love and war.
I don’t know why they say that. It’s clearly not true in the slightest. We generally agree that even in war some things need to be off-limits, that’s why we have a whole category of things called “war crimes.” And in love? Obviously not everything is fair. Love is supposed to be, yanno, loving. And nice. How did anybody get it in their heads that that was ground for just anything-goes cruelty?
Anyway, while I go outside and fist fight this weird idiom, you should enjoy these tweets that ride the line between loving fun and war crime.
10. Tomorrow and tomorrow
This is psychological torment on a whole new level.
My husband pissed me off today so I told him that I can’t wait to see what he had planned for our special day tomorrow
There is nothing special about tomorrow
But there is something special about watching the color leave his face as the panic takes over
— kids_kubed ?? (@Kids_kubed) January 11, 2020
9. Apples to apples
How do you like DEM?
Sometimes when I’m really mad at my wife, I put my regular apples in her organic bag.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) March 30, 2021
8. A sense of control
It’s fun to ensure your partner never enjoys themselves.
My husband got a remote control for our Christmas tree lights and I haven't seen him this happy since our first child was born.
So it seemed only fitting that I gave my oldest the honor of hiding the remote from him last night when he pissed me off.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) December 10, 2020
7. Let’s get things started
How are you gonna pull that off though?
My boyfriend pissed me off but I’m a grown woman so instead of yelling I’m just gonna order an appetizer without telling him and then not share
— Megs (@meganrhanks) April 18, 2019
6. No more wire hangers!
As a fellow dude…I’m kinda guessing he doesn’t notice.
Petty confession: when I’m mad at my husband and doing laundry I will hang all his shirts with the wire hangers and use all the nice ones for mine ?
— brittenymarie (@brittenymarie4) August 25, 2020
5. There is no spoon
When you’re fighting about cereal, things have really hit the fan.
Thinking about making an audio recording of me eating cereal and clanking my spoon on the bowl just to send to my wife when we are in a fight.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 24, 2021
4. Whisk me away
Oh, you are NAUGHTY.
I know it sounds mean but when I’m mad at my wife and want to lash out, I’ll put a whisk in the spatula drawer when I’m emptying the dishwasher.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) December 3, 2020
3. Meat me outside
How expensive are we talkin’ here?
my boyfriend pissed me off so now I’m eating all the expensive salami in the fridge
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) May 17, 2020
2. Taste test
I’m sorry, I passed out from the bland.
My husband pissed me off so for dinner I'm making him Kale And Tofu Salad.
— ?ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ? (@3sunzzz) December 19, 2020
1. A vicious cycle
This sounds…really weird.
An elderly lady in one of my evening classes said that when her husband annoys her she removes the wheels from his bicycle & won’t give them back for a few days. He loves cycling. They were both in their late 70’s
— Carole Caple (@carole_caple) October 13, 2019
Sure beats talking to each other!
What’s the pettiest thing you’ve done in a relationship?
Tell us in the comments.