Hey ladies, could you use a laugh today? I’ll bet you could. Know how I know? Because you’re a human people, and human people could always use a laugh. Sometimes it’s the only thing we COULD use. Aside from, yanno, money.
But I can’t give you any money. Instead, I offer only these funny tweets.
Take of the bounty. Have a giggle. Amen.
10. Bear with me a moment
If they’re so ferocious, how come they’re always adorably selling me toilet paper?
it’s fucked up that bears are dangerous when they look like that
— babbling bobman (@fr0wns) August 11, 2021
9. Asking a lot
This whole “celebrities apparently don’t shower much” thing has been blowing my mind.
Do you think when Taylor Swift wrote “maybe I asked for too much” it was about her trying to get Jake Gyllenhaal to shower
— maybe: clare (@clur19) August 9, 2021
8. Squirrel Power
Why haven’t we made this yet? What are you guys, busy? Chop chop.
hi yes I am ready for this Pixar movie https://t.co/i88iih9jyG
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 8, 2021
7. Some big issues
“Ok, so, we’ve all got the hots for our mothers, right?”
“Um…slow down a minute.”
I’m sorry but how hot was Freud’s mom
— broti gupta, female fitness coach (@BrotiGupta) August 8, 2021
6. Prep time
You can’t just go in cold, you gotta understand WHY them asking me for a pen was unforgivable.
Giving my boyfriend a 45 minute backstory on a person so I can talk shit on them for 5 seconds
— Remy Kassimir (@RemyKassimir) August 12, 2021
5. Hate being the new kid
It’s like you’ve never been anywhere before and you were just born and everything is horrible.
being new at a job is so embarrassing for no reason
— cally (@callybloxam) August 11, 2021
4. The doggo ascends
I’ve never thought these things were real.
no i know nobody who owns a borzoi does drugs cuz if i was walking around my house high and saw this my consciousness would crumple pic.twitter.com/163NBBTFSc
— lindley (@benicetome) August 9, 2021
3. Bird brained
You’re just a person. A supremely tired and cranky person.
"I'm a night owl"
All owls are night owls. You are a regular owl.
— Iris 👾 (@Jest_Iris) December 20, 2020
2. The goof
I’m sorry, you can be that coordinated while high?
I am thoroughly impressed and fairly hungry.
Goofiest shit I ever did while I was high pic.twitter.com/Kk4DI9lm68
— OG (@trillary_banks_) August 12, 2021
1. EVERYBODY DIE
More straightforward messaging than we’ve had from our own governments lately.
Lmfaoo my nail salon is NOT playing with y’all 😂 pic.twitter.com/PiQtjRslA9
— skin bae ✨ (@buymechocolate_) August 12, 2021
Give all those folks a follow for more funny. They know where it lives. It lives in their brains.
Who else should we be following on Twitter?
Give us some of your favorites in the comments.