Today we’ve got some tweets that are just for you. No seriously. Only you. Nobody else is allowed to look at them. They are top secret and hand-selected. By secret hands. The kind that don’t go waving at just anyone.
So come on, have a look. Don’t embarrass me in front of the secret hands. Enjoy these tweets that are just for you.
10. A waist of time
I’m not sure that’s going to go over like you imagine it might.
next time im in a crowded space ima start moving men out the way by their waist
— abz (@abra) July 19, 2021
9. Wild times
Maybe we shouldn’t be playing God like this all the time.
Olympics news is so wild. Every item is like "entire Danish swim team lost in lava pits," or "opening ceremony producer resigns after people recall his history of eating stop signs," or "God begs us to stop"
— literary agent needing jerk (@rajandelman) July 22, 2021
8. Dress for the part
I do that too except it’s less out of vanity and more horror.
girls don’t dress for men, girls dress to stare at their own reflection in every window they pass
— money makin mitch (@judahelise) July 19, 2021
7. Salt and vinegar
They shouldn’t taste good together, and they don’t, but also they do?
can’t talk rn i’m doing hot girl shit*
*eating salt and vinegar chips to the point of causing dozens cuts along the roof of my mouth and gums
— meg z (@bymeg) July 21, 2021
6. Cut me some slack
I’m slacking off too much for slack.
do not slack me directly after a long meeting I am in the kitchen making a little iced coffee and watching three tiktoks it's called work life balance
— Alice Wilder (@Alice_Wilder) July 19, 2021
5. Teeth teeth teeth teeth!
“And to make it less weird we say they got stolen by a demon that your parents know!”
kids teeth fall out and we celebrate that
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) July 19, 2021
4. Nailed it
I’ll be back in a few hours, thanks.
I hate going to the nail salon. I wish I could just drop my hands and feet off and come back for them
— Dior (@diorkenn) July 21, 2021
3. Dead serious
Till death do us nap.
*not letting my husband sleep until we finish this discussion* pic.twitter.com/UVSFKYM8Jy
— Lil Bit ? (@LizerReal) July 19, 2021
2. Space exploration
There ya go, now go end world hunger.
if you close your eyes and press on them, that's what space looks like and you've saved yourself millions of dollars
— beth (@bethbourdon) July 20, 2021
Maybe you need to be a little more specific in what you ask for.
A guy asked me to “send pix” last night so I sent him this and he blocked me lmao pic.twitter.com/tLpi068asJ
— harper-rose drummond (@HarperRoseD) July 21, 2021
We hope you enjoyed that collection of personal tweets, just for you. Whatever you do, don’t share them with anyone. They are for your eyes only. Your special eyes.
Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter? What is it about them that makes them such a good read?
Tell us in the comments.