When you start to read each of these tweets, you may, in your arrogance, in your destructive hubris common to all humankind, mistakenly believe that you know where they’re going.
You will be wrong.
Humble yourself now before the profound randomness of the internet. Be still, and know that secrets await you.
For the twists and turns in these tweets are rarely foreseen. Let us begin our journey of discovery.
10. No bones about it
Is it I who am you, or is it you who are me?
On Halloween we dress up as skeletons. But every other day of the year, our skeletons dress up as us.
— viking (@notviking) October 25, 2014
9. Living that life
Surely you’re not convicting people in the afterlife, right?
Points were made. pic.twitter.com/IzP74LvFLC
— T 👩🏻🍳🦎 (@Miisssliz) November 9, 2019
8. A win/win situation
The people I despise most in the world are mostly billionaires, I don’t think they’d even notice this kind of money.
Yes why wouldn't I want £150,000? https://t.co/6mmbTh9suo
— Chris 🌈 𝙋𝙖𝙥𝙖𝙂𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙘𝙝 (@_Papaglitch_) May 27, 2019
7. Blowin’ up
Oh well that seems very serio- oh wait.
My mate has just seen the Chernobyl documentary. He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
— Wadey Red 💙 #FBPE #FBPA (@WadeyRed) September 19, 2020
6. All dolled up
My sister had a bunch of these growing up and now I’m terrified in retrospect.
Wait, the other ones can hear us?? https://t.co/wgXYgy4zI0
— Faith Moore (@FaithKMoore) January 1, 2020
5. Oh deer
Inside of you there are two wolves.
You have a very short time to live.
Deer population is controlled by releasing wolves into an area. All problems should be solved that way. Too much pollution? Release wolves in factories. Dislike Congress? Wolves. Wanna lose weight? That's right, wolves.
— brandAn is good (@LeBearGirdle) November 13, 2017
4. Curse you
What did we like, come in and take over a bunch of stuff that wasn’t ours?
With everything going on, you’d think America is cursed or something. Like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Oh, wait…
— 🏳️🌈 Donnie 🏳️🌈 (@DonnieHinkle) May 31, 2020
3. Paint with all the colors of the white
Don’t set yourself up for this kind of thing, Seth.
Nah. She look like the people that took her land though. https://t.co/i2O598VXXD
— Sav ™️ (@9021hoee) April 16, 2017
2. Have yourself a wild time
I’ve said too much. I must go. I must start a new life in a new town again.
Therapist: Have you ever had a job?
Me: I once worked at a zoo
Therapist: Great! And what did you take from that?
Me: Definitely not a penguin
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 7, 2020
1. Ring ring ring
Ugh, god, it’s like all day with this place.
boss: why the hell aren't you picking that up. 😠
me: i always answer on the third ring, makes me seem cooler. 😎
boss: PICK IT UP!!!😡
me: [rolling eyes] fine [picks up phone] 911 what's your emergency. 😒
— Eddi Adeen (@EddiAdeen) July 18, 2019
I’ll bet you don’t even know how this post is going to end.
What’s your favorite joke?
Share it with us in the comments.