Did you know that it’s time to go? Go to the Twitterverse, go watch the show? Did you see that it’s time to be? Be at one with the Twitter in thee?

Genuinely I did not start writing that first sentence with the intention of turning it into a bad poem. It just sort of happened. That’s how inspired I am by these funny tweets. They’re lifting me to a new plane of existence.

And now, you can be lifted too.

10. The brand deal

Make it look like you’re richer than you are with this one neat trick.

9. Fed up

I mean, I knew that, but you don’t have to rub it in.


8. Thai me down

Let me just buy a week’s worth of ingredients for a dish I will never ever attempt to make again.

7. Working it out

Whatever gets that heart beating fast.

6. Long story short

Just say “long story” so people know what they’re in for and can prep accordingly.

5. It gets better?

You’re never gonna feel like you get it.


4. On the sly

Nancy with the hot goss.

3. Bill’s coming due

Don’t worry, they didn’t mean any of it either.

2. Beneath the mask

This is how I feel about literally all reality shows.

1. The road to nowhere

As someone who frequently road trips across the midwest, can confirm.

Image Credit: Pleated Jeans

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This tweet list is over,
I bid you adieu!

Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.