I don’t even know how it happened, honestly, but somehow I recently managed to lock myself out of my Twitter account.
I can’t remember what series of events led to this self-sabotage. I’d changed the password, I’d forgotten it, I’d let Chrome pick a strong password for me but then I forgot to tell Chrome not to forget so we both forgot how to remember?
In any case, I found myself casually clicking over to Twitter before realizing “Oh man, this is gonna be like a whole thing,” but it’s a fight I fought. Why? Because good tweets are worth it, by gum. They’re worth it.
10. Catch up
This is a really weird version of the “evolution of man” diagram.
Modern Ketchup is descended from an Asian pickled fish sauce, kôe-chiap. pic.twitter.com/eS7fwC4QlG
— Weird History (@weird_hist) March 26, 2016
9. An ally of the light
Neat-o, which dialogue option do I choose for student debt relief?
bro we just want healthcare not kingdom hearts dialogue https://t.co/yCeh5BoL7g
— Sophie (@DWRDT149cm) August 24, 2020
8. Keep it up!
Speaking of which…
The real torture wasn't that Sisyphus has to roll the rock up the hill for eternity, it was that Zeus kept telling him that if he worked hard and applied himself, one day he might be able to pay off his student loans.
— Existential Comics (@existentialcoms) February 18, 2020
7. A horse of a different color
Samwise carries Frodo up the mountain (colorized.)
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you. pic.twitter.com/Osa3rSrMud
— Thinkwert (@Thinkwert) December 13, 2020
6. Analyze that
We have the same thing we just call them pundits now.
how was “philosopher” ever a job lmao like was socrates sippin wine on a balcony somewhere drunkenly slurring shit like “to find urself, think for urself” with a crowd underneath him screaming shit like fuck yes socrates another banger this man just will not miss
— Bon EYe (@BonEyeKE) March 19, 2020
5. Prepare thyself
There’s really not a reason for everything.
I don’t know if you wanna hear this but God is not preparing you for anything, you are just suffering 🤐 pic.twitter.com/jDGDGwm6u2
— Sir Gerald Emmanuel ➐ (@tonnygerald) October 26, 2019
4. Fun and games
I was aware of that, thank you.
life is fun until you're self aware
— justin (@farringt0n) July 21, 2020
3. The power grid
You mean a buff pancake?
Waiter: What can I get you?
Me [forgetting the word "waffle"]: I'll have a graph biscuit.
— Sharky 🦈 (@FailShark) August 16, 2020
2. TP or not TP
It’s my number two priority.
"Hey girl, I have TP.”
– me, flirting in the time of COVID-19
— Toddzilla™️ (@becoolbear) March 14, 2020
1. Look sharp
But what if I’m neither one?
the reason why smart people don’t see well is because they lower their graphics to max their fps #Showerthoughts
— Shower Thoughts 🚿 (@ShowerB0T) June 30, 2020
Good thing I got my password debacle worked out. Can you imagine what my life would be like right now had I missed those bangers? Unthinkable.
Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?
Tell us in the comments.