Twitter can be a place that gets so overwhelming, and a point from which so much news can flow, that it’s easy to forget that the majority of Americans aren’t even on the thing.
They just go through their lives tweetless, not getting into the random arguments with strangers, not having endless debates about cancel culture, and worst of all, not getting to read any of the funny gems that are readily available in our tweet feeds.
But you and I need not succumb to that fate. For we have the tweets.
The tweets like these. That are funny. And blessed.
11. Poster child
It’s very important to just go ahead anyway.
Before posting each tweet, I ask myself: Does it bring me joy? Will it bring joy to others? I never wait for the answer.
— RM (@dorsalstream) February 5, 2016
10. Look out
I said GOOD VIBES ONLY.
hey my girlfriend saw you from across the bar and we hate your vibe. she’s gonna beat the shit out of you
— trash jones (@jzux) January 2, 2021
9. Gauge your interest
Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Taco John?
waiter: can i interest you in some tacos?
me: thanks but i'm already interested in them
— hype (@TheHyyyype) January 4, 2019
8. Focus up
You can’t, it’s impossible, best not to try.
How am I supposed to concentrate when I do not wish to and there are no immediate rewards
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) November 15, 2020
I would like to join this religion, for real.
Our father, who art in heaven, baja be thy blast.
— mad max: VT route 100 (@_WynterLee) October 31, 2020
6. Time flies
[Narrator Voice]: It was indeed that bad.
2016: Maybe it won't be that bad
2021: the Axe Body Spray Corporation stands firmly against the attempted overthrow of the US government
— Rob (@robrousseau) January 8, 2021
5. Yearn and learn
They’re too big and we all know it but we’re not allowed to admit it.
I eat the first half of a burrito to get full, I eat the second half to teach myself a lesson
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) August 28, 2014
4. Fair and square
Somehow this is correct.
putting soup in a square tupperware…… it’s just not right. it should be a circle one which is the shape of soup
— charlie (@chunkbardey) January 6, 2021
3. Bury me with it
It’s just hard to open up.
men will literally be buried with 8,000 terracotta soldiers instead of going to therapy
— milo edwards (@Milo_Edwards) January 5, 2021
2. Tickets, please
i can't stand law students. telling you they're "2L" at a house party. idk what that means big dog can you get me out of a ticket yet or not.
— ????? ?????? (@calebsaysthings) January 2, 2021
1. The long and short
Do or do not, there is no try.
Men are attracted to short women because they want a little Yoda riding on their back while they run around. But a lot of guys also want to be the Yoda. That’s where tall women come in
— The Alewife’s Husband’s Ale (@alexqarbuckle) January 3, 2021
Thank goodness for tweets like these to keep us all going. Otherwise I’d have to like, read a book. Can you imagine?
Who are your favorite people on Twitter who we should all be following?
Give us your opinion in the comments.