The internet is a strange little place where people, routinely, get together to share their secrets.
It’s anonymous after all. That is, if you want it to be. Like most of the folks on Reddit do.
And so there’s a kind of release and a realness that comes with just getting something off your chest – even if no one ever knows it was you.
1. Not so Happy Gilmore
I used to watch happy Gilmore a lot as a kid. One rainy afternoon at my grandparents house, I decided to act out the part where his golf club slipped out of his hands.
On the 3rd time around I let the sand wedge go and it flung straight through the downstairs window. I took the club out of the broken glass, put it back and quietly went up to one of the bedrooms and sat next to my brother while he played super Mario world.
Later on I heard my grandpa yelling about the window, but when they asked us if we knew anything my brother spoke for us both. I never told anyone about that till this day. Maybe I’ll tell my brother that he lied for me. Lol
2. You’ll shoot your eye out, kid
When I was very little, my older sister and I (11 months apart) were wanting to try to shoot a airsoft gun.
We were fighting on who goes first and I was able to attain it, I shoot at her and i hit her in the eye.
Everybody thought it was an accident and a fight between kids. But I purposely did it due to my anger and it resulted to her having a permanent scar inside her eye.
Luckily, it never resulted to her needing glasses but she gets occasional painful headaches from the result of it. I felt like s**t ever since
3. You just posted cringe, bro
Whenever I cringe at memories of myself doing/saying stupid s**t I get this weird urge to say or do something to break my focus or change mental topics.
Feels like it’s been changing over time to my brain fragmenting and it’s weirding me tf out.
4. Get a leg up
When I was out with my parents at a mall, I think I was around 15-16, I ran away from my parents to head to the Big-W store. This is an Australian store BTW. inside the store I made my way around. just doing things like any other person.
but anyway, as i was walking I wandered into the mens section, I heard a little boy that was about 5 running around and pulling things off the racks. I got mad at this because normally i was told not to be loud and to put stuff back basically be the good kid, but this kid was screaming his head off and whining like a pig. I looked around and didn’t see his parents or any adults around for that matter. So I went over to the Kid and asked him where his parents were, But when this kid turned around yelled in my face
“F**K OFF YOU FAT PIG, I DON’T NEED PARENTS!!!!”
I got furious. This lead me to saying
“now thats no way to talk, i just want to help” you know because i am so nice.
he promptly said “GO F**K YOURSELF” he then ran of and continued to pulled s**t of the shelves and even pulled a mannequin, and hid it under the pile of clothes he had ripped off the shelves.
Keep in mind this kid looked like a five year old. so I did the only thing that i thought to do. went and told on him.
NAH! I waited for him to come running past me and stuck my leg out! the kid promptly fell face first into the ground and began to ball. I then stepped over him and walked off.
That’s my secret
5. The automated age
I have programmed half my work load to auto update and copy into a new database without formula etc.
My boss thinks I’m amazing rahahaha ?
6. The empathy
I have almost no compassion for anyone.
I did 3 tours of duty in the Middle East. I’ve seen how cruel the world outside of America is. I’ve lost friends to battle, and pulled remains out of destroyed vehicles to be sent home. I’ve seen people killed because their family could not take care of them.
It has killed the humanity in me, and I just don’t care about anyone anymore.
7. Passing the smell test
I just tried to catch a whiff of my hot fart to see if my sense of smell has come back since losing it from Covid.
Update 9/8: My wife is boiling a chicken on the stove and it smells like breakfast sausage.
My daughter also popped some popcorn and it smelled like burnt **shole. I’m making progress!
8. No self esteem
I do really nice things for other people because I think I’m a horrible and ugly person.
I don’t want them to thank me or acknowledge things because I get this like physical anger response when people say I’m a good friend or whatever, like I have to clench my fists and pretend it’s okay then go back to my apartment and scream into a pillow
9. Buried treasure
I know of a place with a chest full of valuables buried: the papers to a property, cash & jewelry.
The cash is probably not worth much anymore because the chest was buried a long time ago, and I don’t know exactly how much it is, but I know that, should I ever be in a really really bad spot, I know where to go to fix that.
The coordinates to this place are my biggest secret.
10. Stick to it
I’m 50 and still can’t drive stick (standard).
When I was in college my friends and I went to the bars. I was the only one who didn’t drink so I had to drive everyone home. My friend’s car was a stick shift. I destroyed his clutch. Still haven’t learned.
11. Sorry, Sam
I stole a copy of How to Eat Fried Worms from a girl who had bought it at a thrift sale in grade 5.
I’m sorry Sam
12. The separation
I feel like I’ve been emotionally separating from people over the years. Not intentionally. More like drifting away.
I feel almost a numbness where I think I’m supposed to feel something.
Many of my interactions feel fake. I’m scared that it won’t get better and that I’ll never be able to reconnect.
13. Tell the strangers
For the story let’s call the girl Olivia the first friend Steve and the other one Chris
Basically when i was 14 Chris was dating this girl at the time. One day Olivia came over to his house with some of my other friends. Then Chris went to the toilet and the Olivia tried to give a hand job to Steve. FAILED. Then Chris comes back. 2 months later they break up and turns out that Olivia had sent nudes to Steve and that Chris didn’t know. I’m still friends with both guys today and me and Steve have never told Chris what happened.
But imma tell a bunch of strangers on reddit instead.
14. You can relate
Everything’s boring as s**t dude, like remember those days playing super Mario or climbing a big a** tree and such as a kid.
Nothing brings me joy like that anymore..
15. Skate away
I’m from Finland. Everybody here knows how to skate.
I’m 43 years old and I don’t.
And it’s too late to learn now.
Sure, there are classes for this, but they are basically meant for pre-schoolers.
Of all the secrets revealed here, I somehow find among the most shocking that everybody in Finland just…skates around.
Do you have a secret you’d like to get off your chest?
Tell us in the comments.