I wish I knew how to flirt. Literally my only technique is trying to be funny enough that someone will not mind my face a whole lot, but I suspect there are other techniques to try.

Let’s ask Reddit about it, shall we?

People who are good at flirting, what are some social cues us oblivious people should watch out for?
by inAskReddit

Here are some things that’ll get us picking up on cues in no time.

1. It’s about “plausible deniability.”

Flirting didn’t click for me until i heard it described not as a set of behaviors to look out for, but as an escalation of suggestive behaviors couched in plausible deniability.

Put practically, if someone is doing something to engage you that feels extra (lots of touching, looking at you in a way that feels a bit to long, or doing a lot of poking fun and complimenting you), then that might be flirting or it might not. That’s the whole point. Plausible deniability. They can safely disengage at any time.

If you want to know if someone’s flirting, you need to test it. You do that by escalating things, but just a bit, so that now you have plausible deniability (touch them back in a comfortable way, maintain eye contact, or joke-compliment them back). If they escalate back and continue to do so as you escalate in turn, that is flirting.

Eventually one of you will break cover and do something with clear intent (a kiss, an approach + ask for a number, or straight up telling them what you think of them and that you’re interested). Otherwise, if you escalate and they don’t change their behavior or they back off, then they were probably just being friendly and you should take the hint and do the same.

Dunno if that’s something obvious to people, but it was definitely not for me, and college parties would have been way less fun had i not known. Hopefully this can help someone else too 🙂

– three_furballs

2. The ol “hand on the headrest”

I remember going on 9 dates with a girl who “just got out of a long relationship and just wanted to be friends” to which I had said “cool, let’s just hang out then”.

One night she was dropping me off at my place after a movie.

Turned the car off, put her arm on my headrest as we chatted before I got out.

I was fully in the mindset that we were just friends, so I. Shook. Her. Hand. Goodnight.


– mellifluousthoughts

3. Watch out for these!

They make a lot of eye contact.

They are interested in what you have to say and ask you lots of questions.

They laugh at your jokes, even the lame ones. They initiate physical contact.

They try to find space where you can talk more privately (this does not always mean s** but it often means they wish for more quality time with you).

– TheSurfingRaichu

4. Physical contact

Granted, not everyone flirts the same way but a good sign is if they touch your arm (or the like) or you find them smiling the whole time that you’re talking to them.

– Cosmic_Barman

5. Gotta have the basics first

All the advice in this entire thread and I’m sitting here like, I’m so d**n oblivious I wouldn’t even notice these things looking for them.

I really don’t pick up social cues at all though

– LtCptSuicide

6. Can I be any more obvious?

One time I got the courage to look at someone in the eyes and said “I need one of those hugs that turn into s**.”

He laughed haha said me too then continued talking about what we were previously talking about.

I thought about running face first into a wall

– chau-a-not-chau-bcdf

7. Be observant

It really depends on who you’re talking to. My advice is to be observant. Some, would prefer banters.

Usually, when coming up with something witty, they return back what you said but relating it in a playful or opposing manner (i hope you get what I mean) or playfully challenging your views.

When it comes to touch, subtle touch on the arm or shoulders or patting the head and smile.

Trying means to be with you is also a sign, but some are a lil more low key (like me), that’ll probably prefer showing a playful side when it’s just alone.

So, it is also a sign if they change their aura from normal/serious to playful when it’s just you alone.

I hope these help.

– 83rdstreet

8. Don’t be dumb

Take it from me, we were in a club she wanted to go to, she was checking the girls out and asked which one I liked. I told her the girl with the hair to one side.

Now get this, dumbass me NOTICED she put her hair to one side, but thought nothing of it. I’m sure she sent out more hints and cues, but being a guy with poor self worth, I brushed it all off, there’s no way she’s in to me.

I was so wrong, it took one of her guy friends telling me that she hasn’t shut up about me all night to realize that, hang in, she does??

Long story short, if you think there’s a chance, don’t be a dumb**s and wait for luck to punch you in the face like it did me, take the chance, even if you’re convincing yourself she isn’t in to you, she probably is!

– Solacekia

9. Mirroring body language

This is a tactic employed by people who work in sales and it’s not always conscious. This is a psychological disarmament tactic we, as humans, deploy on each other. In the case of someone who likes you, while interacting, watch for repetitious patterns and mimic their body language.

Eventually, if you cross your arms and the person who’s attention you are seeking does the same, for example, you can rely on that being a good sign.

That’s not to say you need to reposition or fidget while interacting; remember, being comfortable and at ease is a way bigger turn-on and ultimately lends itself to a more approachable experience for all parties. After all, “acting natural” is the penultimate jedi mind trick 🙂

– flungkle

10. Take it all with a grain of salt

Everybody’s social queues are different. Some maybe more extreme than others.

So don’t take stuff from this thread as the actual truth. Some people are just really friendly.

– KingofSheepX

11. It depends on context

It depends a lot on the person.

From my experience in places like bars/clubs it’s kinda obvious if they are flirting with you.

But in more daily places you have to look for hints like excess of compliments or if they look at you too much.

– pussyeater787

12. The list

Not good at flirting but somehow got a boyfriend xD. But here are the things my boyfriend told me he saw in me:

Close contact, mimicking movements, eye contact, laughing at jokes and even physical contact.

These are only a handful of the things to look out for, but hope it helps.

– SolitaireWolf

13. Are they doing these?

Eye contact… who breaks contact first or are they constantly looking around or behind you

Physical touching… try touching the arm or leg and look for their response like did they back away or shift or did they move closer to you

Smiling… are they smiling at you or frowning

Then the obvious, them making physical contact, mentioning future plans together, talking about sex/kissing at all, winking at you

– OwnBackground6676

14. Attention

If you feel like suddenly you’re gelling with someone really well…

…you are spending a lot of time together…

…if they pay you compliments freely and go out of way to be kind or helpful…

…then they are probably putting in the effort so that they can f**k you.

– allgoodcretins

15. You’re on the right track

Girls will lock eyes and play with their hair or touch their forearm… laughter… touching you…

You should never read this signs and think its a done deal, but it means you may be doing something right.

– jerojerojerojero

Welp, I’mma go get my flirt on.

What’s your best flirting advice?

Tell us in the comments.