Have you been doing some self-care? Thinking about doing it? Wondering wtf it even is?
Well, be careful. Because not all pieces of self-care advice are created equal.
What’s some popular self-care/self-love advice that is actually really toxic?
byu/redhead_in_red inAskReddit
Reddit’s got plenty to say about it.
Though you should know that a lot of these posts were followed up by edits and caveats, so, obviously we’re not dealing in universals here.
1. “Always trust your feelings.”
This advice is everywhere.
No, oftentimes our feelings require introspection to work through them and make positive change.
– youkick
2. “Become a girl boss”
I have a friend who is very sucked into the “girl boss” subculture that has her working all hours on a business that makes no money, then doing “self care” in the form of spending the little money she makes on manicures or expensive beauty products that other people have told her are self care.
Self care and self love is sometimes admitting that you need to stop perusing something that isn’t working and is making you miserable, even if it’s what you thought you wanted and even if everyone is telling you to keep going and not to give up.
– wonkyboys
3. “Cut off anyone that doesn’t bring you peace”
Obviously this applies to people who are constantly, deliberately making you miserable.
But a stressful situation or argument with a friend that you care about doesn’t count if you haven’t attempted to work it out with them.
– tinymom7674
4. “Why are you sad? You have everything to be happy.”
Even if there’s few happy things in your life you don’t need to be ashamed to feel sad or depressed
– jfray81
5. “Guilt is a wasted emotion.”
Pretty sure it was Wayne Dyer who published this nonsense in the 80’s.
Having at least some guilt is a good sign that you’re not a psychopath.
– BigdoggyTN
6. “If people don’t like you for you who are, that’s their problem.”
No, sometimes you’re the a**hole. 9/10 the common denominator rule stands.
– anotherbutterflyacc
7. “Stop giving a f**k”
I agree, don’t give a f**k what people think if you enjoy a certain type of music. But do give a f**k about how your actions affect other people. Unfortunately, it seems that many people just take it to mean “don’t care that you might hurt other people.”
In order to self-care and self-love, it is important to consider what consequences your actions have on the world around you.
– AGrayishCat
8. “Positive vibes only.”
People use it because they think it’s uplifting but it’s actually quite dismissive.
Often people say it when people voice sadness, frustration, emotional fatigue, anger – basically any other emotion but happiness.
A positive attitude can get you a long way but so can acknowledging and letting yourself/others feel emotions.
– Sarcasitic_Empath
9. “No one is too busy to talk to someone they care about”
This is so toxic to expect people to talk to you EVERYDAY.
Yes, sometimes people have other stuff going on in their lives. It doesn’t mean they don’t care.
– callmesamus
10. “You can do anything if you try hard enough.”
Some people have gifts and talents that other people don’t.
That’s the reality, and even though hard work will get you far, there are points where you need to acknowledge that you won’t be the best at everything, even if you love what you do.
And you aren’t cut out for every vocation.
– pika_pie
11. “Treat yourself”
The girls who are always posting about “Treat yourself” or “If he doesn’t treat you like a (queen emoji) it’s time to find a new one” … nah one is bad financial advice if you know you can’t afford something don’t do it, and the other is not how partnerships work.
You should be each other’s best friends, not worshipped like he’s your subjects desperate for your approval. If your ideal relationship is one of superiority instead of equality then you probably have mental health issues.
– hopeishigh
12. “It’s in the stars.”
Astrology? I’m glad it gives you comfort but if you start basing life decisions on the “effects” of the stars, you’re probably going to have a bad time.
– Rabblerabblerabbl
13. Just to be clear…
The advice being quoted in here are toxic when taken as absolutes.
It’s not bad advice if you take use it as one viewpoint among many, and balance it out with others.
– rarrrarrarrrarrr
14. “Ghost people.”
Burning bridges and cutting people off/ghosting them with no explanation because you’re no longer getting what you want out of the relationship and “you don’t owe them anything.”
Ok, it’s one thing if we’re talking about an abusive relationship, but this mentality seems to promote childish, conflict avoidant behavior masked as “self care” aka “good vibes only.”
– dotskee
15. “Never have a negative thought about yourself.”
For me its the physical self-esteem and appearance issues, and the whole “Don’t ever think a negative thought about your appearance or want to change an aspect about yourself.”
I’m a natural ginger. Pale, red-cheeked, freckled, the whole deal. Another thing that comes with that is a have completely invisible eyelashes and eyebrows. If I don’t have makeup on it genuinely looks like I have shaved my eyebrows and eyelashes off. For years I hated this, and was just waiting for the day I learned how to fix it. Eventually, I got my makeup done and it was the most beautiful I’ve ever felt. All it took was some mascara and eyebrow pencil.
I realized then and there that I was never going to go back to having my natural face. I started wearing the same three makeup products every. single. day. Mascara, eyebrow pencil, and eyeliner. Then I became upset that I couldn’t go without makeup without feeling naked, so I started dyeing my eyebrows and eyelashes, and it was life changing. I always feel guilty about only feeling confident after I “change myself” but frankly, thats nobody’s business but my own. You shouldn’t teach people that they have to love their natural appearance no matter what, you should teach them that they deserve respect no matter what their appearance is. I don’t like my natural facial hair color, but if someone were to insult it or belittle me because of it, I know that I don’t deserve that, and my face is perfectly acceptable the way it is, even if it doesn’t fit with my personal preferences.
– The-Pinker-Dinker
Always think things through carefully, I suppose.
What’s the worst bit of advice you’ve ever received?
Tell us in the comments.