I’m a straight man myself, and I wouldn’t dare compare my general experiences with being hit on uncomfortably to those had by women all the time.
Still, most of us are actually no stranger to feeling pretty awkward as we try to politely deflect the advances of someone we’re not interested in. And I won’t lie, I’ve thought about using this approach before:
I’ve never actually done it, because I’m not gay, and that seems disrespectful, but I am interested in the stories of guys who have played the card legitimately. Let’s see what Reddit had to say.
1. Just say so.
Years ago this girl approached me at a bar and asked if she could have my number, I was totally thrown for a loop.
I told her I was gay and she got super offended and said “if you’re not interested, then just say so!” and stormed off.
I felt bad.
– Scapeach
2. Not my type.
I have had a drunk girl very awkwardly trying to flirt with/grope me. I laughed it off at first, until her boyfriend showed up and seemed ready to start a fight.
I told him don’t worry I am gay, and no he is not my type either, and he just deflated. It’s kinda funny really. From then on I save my tank tops for gay bars only.
– sodomystic
3. Backfire.
Backfired so f*cking hard.
I was with a guy I had gone on like 3 dates with and got along great with but it was still new. He overheard me tell this girl “I’m really sorry but I’m actually here with my boyfriend”.
He was nearby, overheard “boyfriend”, had a little “we’re moving too fast” panic attack and bailed.
– howcreativeami
4. Imagine me and you.
Sure have, but it’s only happened in situations where I feel that somehow I’ve made a woman uncomfortable, or the situation we’re in makes her feel unsafe. I figure that if she knows I’m into men, she’ll feel safer.
For example, I once tagged along with coworkers and clients for post event drinks. Once it was over, one of the clients needed to get to the nearest metro station but was unfamiliar with the area, so I offered to walk her, because I knew a short cut.
Now, this is a spectacular shortcut, as it easily brings it down from a 25 minute to a 5 minute walk. Except that it’s through what you would legally describe as a park, but realistically describe as a forest. So there I am, being an idiot, and babbling about everything and anything when I notice that she’s awful silent.
It’s dark and I can’t see her too well, but I notice that she’s holding her keys in her hand, as a weapon, with the one key in her fist. Once I focused, I could see she was pretty uncomfortable, if not completely frightened. So, I steer the conversation into weekend plans, and make up a boyfriend on the spot, and ramble about just how gay we are together.
She visibly relaxed, and asked me all about my boyfriend, who I had to invent details about because he doesn’t exist. But it worked! We got to the metro, she made it home safely, and I made a new friend.
Then went home all by my lonesome and lamented I didn’t have a boyfriend.
The guy I made up was awesome! We had plans to go camping that weekend 🙁
– DCRedditor20
5. Really now?
When I said “I have a boyfriend,” they left me alone right away.
Nowadays when I say “I have a husband,” they get a lot more aggressive
– StiffDiq
6. Sounds…unhinged.
She hit on me, told her I had a boyfriend, then she told everyone at an audition we were at that I roofied her on a night out.
Thankfully I can be as camp as Christmas so no one believed a word she said.
Edit: apparently camp as Christmas is a UK term. Basically just means I’m a rather effeminate man.
– Tommy_Furys_Sandwich
7. Cool guy.
Had a very good looking young lady (30’s) point out to her very good looking boyfriend (30’s) that I (55) was perving on her.
He was a bit annoyed and asked ‘WTF man’. I said “Hang on i’ll ask my husband”.
The guy giggled and said to his lady ‘He’s cool he’s perving on me’.
It was so good to see such cool guy.
– MRicho
8. Look it up.
Happened a couple times when girls assumed I was hitting on them.
At the library once, I asked a girl (who was sitting alone at a table that could sit 10) if I could sit by her. She gave me that irritated look, “I have a boyfriend.” I replied “So do I,” and I just sat down.
– BobbingandBang
9. Keep looking.
A girl I was just casually talking with asked if I wanted to go out for drinks, explained I was gay, and after she thought for a few minutes said “how do you know you just haven’t met the right girl?”
The comment was so infuriating, I just got up and left I never spoke to her again.
– Selthix
10. Tall tales.
Oooooh do I have one for y’all. So I live in Texas and being gay is still not widely accepted here so it shocks people when I tell them. This has happened to me multiple times.
The one that stands out the most is that this woman actually told me I’m too tall to be gay.
What does that mean? I’m literally 5’ 11”? I am so confused by this.
– WitchAndAHalf
11. A classic story.
Not quite the exact wording but I let a girl down by letting her know I was gay.
I worked retail for a few years in my teens/early 20s. In one of my jobs I was setting a lady up for a store membership card after ringing through her purchases. One of the mandatory fields was an either/or on phone number/email address. So I asked for her phone number.
“Are you asking for work or pleasure, coz if it’s YOU who wants my number, you can have it.” She smiled, it was earnest but not pushy, there was a wink. She wasn’t unattractive, just not my type. So without missing a beat I just looked at her, and I’m told I sound quite matter-of-fact and a bit monotone sometimes and just uttered:
“Erm…I’m gay.”
That was that. She opened her mouth to respond, she looked mortified, but before she could speak the guy on the till next to me practically fell to the ground with laughter, eyes streaming with tears, clutching his sides. Luckily he hadn’t got a customer at his till. My face went red, hers went red. We concluded the transaction and she beat a hasty retreat out of the store. The story got told to all new hires until I left.
She did end up Facebook-stalking me and DMed me, but that was when I drew the line as she kept sending me messages saying how cute I was.
Thankfully I moved away to university within a few months.
– boredashellrightnow
12. Prove it.
I was in Thailand with my ex and I would always get harassed by prostitutes to buy their services.
One night were both on our way back to the hotel and as usual a prostitute approached us. I said “No thank you, I’m gay” to which she responds “I don’t believe you” so I kissed him in front of her and she says “You make a cute couple” and walked away.
– Naughtiestdingo
13. Why though?
I’ve had to do it a few times, usually they apologize and stop, but sometimes they don’t.
My boyfriend had me pick him up a coffee from dunkin donuts and the lady at the window kept talking about how she couldn’t find a boyfriend and then started asking what i’m doing that night.
I told her about my boyfriend expecting her to stop, but she didn’t so i just drove off.
– BoredOnQuarantine
14. Reverse tactic.
I pulled an ‘i have a girlfriend’ on a creepy man who I found out later was a serial killer.
Am gay.
– The_Libra_man
15. Reverse perspective.
I was shamelessly hitting on this guy until he just straight up told me:
” you know I am gay, right?”
I in fact did not know.
We are really good friends now and constantly joke that our genitalia is getting in the way of the romance of a lifetime.
– T*t_Save
Remember, nobody should have to tell you they’re with someone else for you to accept the fact that they’re not into you. Take it in stride, move along. Don’t be that person.
Have you had an experience like this?
Tell us in the comments.