Everybody loves a good tweet. Especially when that single tweet makes you do a double take. Goes in a direction you weren’t expecting. Subverts all you’ve ever known and replaces it with a paradigm shift the likes of which your feed has never seen.
That’s what these tweets are like. I think. I’m not entirely sure what “paradigm” actually means.
15. Water under the bridge
Public health is just so important, you guys.
i just saw 3 homeless guys giving each other the covid vaccine under a bridge. what a caring community we live in 🙏🏽🙏🏽😩😩
— MALAYKA 🎲 (@malaykaridwan) January 13, 2021
14. I’m on board
Alright nana, settle down now.
When a "Baby On Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up you know the kid is at least a year or two old now and the car is safe to ram he he
— nana barb (@barbaralynnjoy) March 17, 2019
13. On the other hand
If you read too fast you might just miss it whizzing by.
My mate has just seen the Chernobyl documentary. He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
— Wadey Red 💙 #FBPE #FBPA (@WadeyRed) September 19, 2020
12. Something’s in the air
Can you paint with all the colors of this burn?
Nah. She look like the people that took her land though. https://t.co/i2O598VXXD
— Sav ™️ (@9021hoee) April 16, 2017
11. No bones about it
Yeah yeah, I know my rights.
on halloween we dress up as skeletons but every other day of the year our skeletons dress up as us
cop: you know you have the right to remain silent right
— PABLO FLEXCOBAR (@marcusmgonzales) February 27, 2018
10. Give it a rest
It’s really vital to have goals you can stick to.
I finally got my average resting heart rate down to 65 beats per minute. Only 65 more to go.
— Eric Sprankle, PsyD (@DrSprankle) July 19, 2018
9. Where’s the fire?
Bosses are just so up tight, am I right?
boss: why the hell aren't you picking that up. 😠
me: i always answer on the third ring, makes me seem cooler. 😎
boss: PICK IT UP!!!😡
me: [rolling eyes] fine [picks up phone] 911 what's your emergency. 😒
— Eddi Adeen (@EddiAdeen) July 18, 2019
We have some kind of legal confidentiality between us, yeah?
Therapist: Have you ever had a job?
Me: I once worked at a zoo
Therapist: Great! And what did you take from that?
Me: Definitely not a penguin
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 7, 2020
7. Oh deer me
There are two wolves inside you. They are both gonna eat ya.
Deer population is controlled by releasing wolves into an area. All problems should be solved that way. Too much pollution? Release wolves in factories. Dislike Congress? Wolves. Wanna lose weight? That's right, wolves.
— brandAn is good (@LeBearGirdle) November 13, 2017
6. Now hear this
The next Chucky movie is gonna be weird.
Wait, the other ones can hear us?? https://t.co/wgXYgy4zI0
— Faith Moore (@FaithKMoore) January 1, 2020
5. Merry men
The hood giveth and the hood taketh away.
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend
Friend: wow thanks. I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: you’re what
— Glenn (@Shenaniglenns) February 18, 2020
4. Buried deep
We kinda brought…all of this on ourselves.
With everything going on, you’d think America is cursed or something. Like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Oh, wait…
— 🏳️🌈 Donnie 🏳️🌈 (@DonnieHinkle) May 31, 2020
3. Never ever
You say that like you’ve been tricked before.
Fun Australian fact – this kangaroo is waiting for pursuers to come into the water with him, where he will try to drown them. They are extremely good at it.
Never, ever go into water with a kangaroo. Everything has lots of innovative ways to kill you here. https://t.co/ckcANcGnPa
— Cormac Farrell (@jagungal1) December 23, 2020
2. Getting in
This is truly my big break!
OMG— I JUST GOT INTO HARVARD LAW SCHOOL. THE LOCK WAS SO WEAK— A SMALL HAMMER WAS MORE THAN SUFFICIENT! 💞🔒🛠
— April (@autogynefiles) February 17, 2021
1. End of sentence
Points were made. pic.twitter.com/IzP74LvFLC
— Little Miss Lizards (@Miisssliz) November 9, 2019
Now if you scroll back up and look at those again you’ll have to do second second takes and that’s like four takes for the price of one so what are you waiting for?
Who are the funniest people on Twitter right now?
Tell us your opinion in the comments.