Today we’ve got a collection of tweets which, though they may look ordinary on the surface, are actually containers of near-infinite wisdom if you’re willing to look hard enough.
We’re going to be peeling back the layers of that wisdom, so get ready to received some tips that will make you better at everything.
Twitter, do your thing.
15. Context is key
Ah yes, the stuff of nightmares.
“Pretty sure my clowns are about to lay eggs” is an absolutely terrifying sentence coming from anyone other than my coworker with a saltwater home aquarium.
— Jen 🌈🦈 (@mockingnerd) June 28, 2021
14. Brevity is the soul of wit
And the key to get literally anyone to listen to anything you have to say.
School: your paper must be a minimum 5 pages.
Real world: explain it to me in seven seconds or I'm out of here.
— Morgan Housel (@morganhousel) May 7, 2020
13. Consider the future
There’s a lot that might happen you need to be prepared for.
Before you get involved with another person, ask yourself: Is this someone I can see myself cropping out of pictures later?
— Hi, it's Abby. Yep (@abbycohenwl) March 14, 2015
12. Reframing is crucial
We gotta know how to sell people their own doom.
ITS NOT CLIMATE CHANGE ITS A REGIONALLY CURATED SUBSCRIPTION BOX OF ARTISINAL APOCALYPSES
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) June 28, 2021
11. Variety is the spice of life
Why not really spice up someone’s day?
Make people's day more exciting by texting "OMW" at 8 am when you don't have plans
— Fulkery (@Fulkery1) September 13, 2020
10. Self-defense is crucial
Even when it’s not really necessary.
I do not know what "high fives" are but I've become more and more proficient at blocking these overhead strikes you're trying to hit me with
— the fomo mofo (@malt_skull) May 7, 2015
9. There is no normal
And with that, we find our liberation at long last.
"normalize–" NO. normalize nothing. everything you do is weird now. you're free
— lacey (@byelacey) June 26, 2021
8. Learn to multitask
For instance, right now I’m working out at the gym AND lying to you.
"can you multitask? "yeah I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time 🙂
— LiL•KiD (@MayTheHomie) December 20, 2020
7. Do your parenting drills
They will come in handy eventually.
I did so many baby-related errands today and I don't even have a baby yet
How can parents stay vertical and hold conversations
Do they give you a different level of coffee when you leave the hospital
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) June 24, 2021
6. Follow the itinerary
We paid for this trip and by god we’re gonna enjoy it.
Dad vacation to do list
1. Wake up at 6 AM for no reason
2. Buy a local newspaper
3. Complain about the coffee maker
4. Try to make people feel bad for sleeping in
6. Call the GPS stupid
7. Organize the fishing stuff again
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 29, 2018
5. Pronunciation makes a world of difference
And time changes everything.
Hats off to the waiter that kept a straight face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of the lasagna.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) June 22, 2021
4. Your desires are valid
Though inadvisable to act upon.
Does anyone else wish they could take off their arms when they go to bed?
— Tim Welch (@tim_welch45) December 7, 2018
3. Keep things positive
Unless of course you’re an adult.
my daughter said “it’s cold, but it’s a beautiful day.” ppl w no bills are so positive.
— B 🦋 (@DontWorryBoutB) February 4, 2021
2. Disease prevention is on all of us
ESPECIALLY time travelers.
Back To The Future except Marty doesn’t know he’s asymptomatic with the novel coronavirus and goes and accidentally starts a pandemic in 1955
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) June 30, 2021
1. Consider your arguments
It might turn out you’re a big ol’ dummy.
"If you increase the minimum wage the cost of living will go up!" pic.twitter.com/qT51EkjcO9
— Tomokocchi (@itsTomokocchi) January 17, 2021
With tips like that, you’ll be winning life in no time.
What other tips would you like to share with the class?
Tell us in the comments.