Generally speaking I have no idea when somebody is into me.

One time a girl was literally sitting on my lap unprompted at a bar and it took me a solid 10 minutes to go “wait…is she trying to make something happen here?”

So, obviously, I need some help from Reddit.

People who are good at flirting, what are some social cues us oblivious people should watch out for?
by inAskReddit

Let’s see how we can heighten our radar for this sort of thing.

1. The “hang back” test

If you’re in a group of friends (new or old), find a natural opportunity to hang back.

Someone who’s interested in you will notice and take the opportunity to talk to you in private.

Now this isn’t full proof but it’ll at least give you the opportunity to feel for any chemistry between you.

– Kagamid

2. Checking in

I read once that if someone looks at you after someone (doesn’t have to be you) said something funny and everyone is laughing, they like you.

From personal experience, it’s true

– luv_sicK

3. There’s no silver bullet

Generally there’s no one thing that gives it away. Everyone says to look for eye contact, look at posture, look for mimicry, etc, and sure there’s some truth to that but no one should be expected to keep track of all of those things and not everyone exhibits any particular one.

In my experience, almost everyone can get a sense that someone is into them, but most people second guess themselves until they convince themselves it’s nothing. I say trust that sense. It’s based off all of these factors that we pick up consciously and subconsciously, and almost always it’s not a coincidence.

When you think someone likes you, you can test that theory in a few ways. A subtle but effective example is inviting them to something you know they can’t or don’t want to attend. If they express interest in rescheduling or finding some other way to spend time with you, they like you. Otherwise they’ll just say no, sorry I can’t make it. This works because you’re showing interest in spending additional time with them (this event would be more enjoyable for me if you where there) and if they like you they will be sure to make it clear that they are saying no to the event, not to you.

Of course, you could also just ask. In my experience anyone worth getting intimate with is mature enough to deal with that question.

– MildlyWyld

4. The slight gasp

When I patted my classmate on her back and shoulder telling her she would past her history test and not worry.

She gave a slight gasp and looked straight into my eyes.

– TheRabiddingo

5. The bad joke test

Seriously tell a bad joke – look for laughter and smiles that should not be there but are.

Then it’s you they are into, definitely not what you said.

– Billbapoker

6. Direct eye contact

When you’re in a public space, the direct eye contact (for a beat or two too long) and the look away.

One of my go-to moves that always yielded results.

– Lulu_42

7. No s**t, Sherlock

According to Sherlock: licking lips, eyes cast down towards the other persons lips, quirky smile of the lips, dilated eyes. And if the person has long hair, tucking it behind their ear or other fidgety behavior.

Please note I’m not Sherlock and I suck at flirting

– fandomfangirl1

8. Don’t assume

When a person is making relatively sensual physical contact, please, and I mean PLEASE get flustered, or at least mentally flustered.

Do not ignore them because you’ve known them a while. Do not pass it off as jokes, look for some signals. You’ll regret not doing so.

I’ve never been oblivious, but God d**n have I missed hints before

– Haelstrom101

9. This one’s practically a whole book

People will give a lot of cues subconsciously, also some actions are flirting for some but just being friendly for others too

Pay attention to their eye contact with you compared to others, if one has small amount of eye contact with others but a lot with you, generally it means they’re comfortable with you

Physical contact is usually big for people who aren’t already touchy, people will generally be more touchy with those they like

When in a group and everyone’s laughing, people generally look at the one they’re most comfortable with first, or the one they like, could be either or both

Action imitation is big, if you think someone is into you, do an action like hands in pocket or something, if they copy, they probably like you, or are paying serious attention to you for some reason

If they laugh at your dumb joke, either they like you, or the joke made them uncomfortable, depends on the situation

Playing with hair is one that can mean something to, but some people also just do that alot anyway

Really I’d say some things can be a good tell more often than not but sometimes those actions can just be them being friendly, unless it’s blatantly obvious it can be something else, that’s why the communication or the risk of asking someone is important

– dalcer

10. Are they flustered?

When someone is usually composed in conversation getting nervous and mixes up word when talking with you.

For example, I met a girl and her friends (who became my friends too) the night before her birthday, I didn’t speak much to her but when we were departing I wished her a happy birthday for tomorrow, she replied “you too” then got all flustered as she left the train.

I watched her on the platform get teased by the friends.

– LittleMzZombie

11. The adjustment

I’ve noticed that women will do a little adjustment to you, like brushing off a little piece of lint off your lapel or moving a stray hair off your face while talking to you.

At least they did back in my rogue days.

– robfrankel1

12. Listen close

Body movement or the way u speak.

It tells u a lot about the person on whther they are nervous or confident and they usually change the way they speak when they are flirting like the voice.

– BingusOnCod

13. Mirroring

Take a look at your text. And see if they try to use the same emojis or same words as you do.

They could even mirror some of your mannerisms if you meet up.

Well at least that’s what i tell myself hahaha

– darkapao

14. It’s a sign!

The touching, if we touch your arm it’s a sign.

If we make direct eye contact frequently it’s a sign.

If you catch us sneaking glances, a sign.

If we text you or make an effort to try to be around you and alter part of our daily schedule etc. to be near you, it’s a very very big sign!!

– emmmarayne

15. Maybe this?

Unwavering eye contact. The suspect will look at you in wonder and awe.


No eye contact. Some people have extreme social anxiety, if they remain to talk to you but seem closed off, its most likely that they are shy and need some more comfort

– chesterbryce

Now get out there and flirt!

What’s your best flirting advice?

Tell us in the comments.