Moving in with someone is obviously a pretty big step in a relationship, and a lot of folks are understandably hesitant to take it.
After all, what if you do that and you find out something super weird?
Take us away with the relationship tales, Reddit.
1. No concept of volume.
My husband is deaf (to clarify, I did know this before we moved in together).
The thing is, I had NO IDEA how loud he could be. It should have occurred to me sooner, but he has no concept of his own volume. Listening to him make a cup of tea is like having the cast of Stomp in our kitchen.
2. Love languages.
The other way around – it had just never come up in conversation that I’m fluent in French.
He seemed skeptical, so he “quizzed” me every so often.
We had dated for about three years before he moved in.
Now he just asks me to translate memes written in French.
3. Get with the program.
He is obsessed with programmable things. Now all of our lamps are programmed so if I walk into a room I have to go “Alexa, turn on the lights.”
It’s like living in some sci fi movie. It’s fun until we get into a fight and then he f**ks with me by doing weird s**t to the lights.
4. Before and after.
He always brushes his teeth before hopping in the shower. All my life I’ve brushed my teeth after I shower.
It’s obviously a really small thing. But it really stood out to me because I asked him why and he said he didn’t like taking a shower tasting morning breath, preferred a fresh mouth so he could enjoy the shower.
It seemed like such a good reason, in the moment I felt a little dumb doing it my way for so long.
5. The fur.
I know the dude has body hair. It’s cute. I like it.
I had no idea that his body hair apparently explodes off him with great violence every time he takes a shower. Shower clogs have gone from a once-a-year thing, maybe, if I do a leg shave after winter, to a monthly thing. It’s all thick, curly brown man-fur.
Is… is this a common thing? Does it happen to other guys?
6. Hulk smash.
She opens cereal boxes like Bruce Banner would mid hulk transformation, and she also washes her face by splashing water into her face with reckless abandon.
Bathroom counter looks like the end of a SeaWorld show.
Minus the animal cruelty.
– [deleted user]
7. Spoon is life.
He doesn’t just snuggle me because it’s cute and I’m only over every once and a while, he HAS TO BE the big spoon to something when he sleeps.
Every night he snuggles with me all night, and even when I’m not around when he goes to bed, he cuddles the Pillows, balled up covers, the cat, a piles of clothes…it’s adorable
8. It’s always the quiet ones.
His daughter is the loudest person on the planet, which I already knew.
He’d always say he has no idea how he and babymama have such a loud kid because they’re both so introverted and quiet.
Lo and behold, once we moved in together, I’ve quickly discovered that he is incredibly loud on his own, constantly.
Whether he’s shouting/singing literal nonsense at the top of his lungs on the toilet, listening to things on his phone/laptop as high as they’ll go, randomly shouting nonsense close to my head, speaking in obnoxious voices to the cats, or just speaking as loudly as I ever imagined possible for no reason during conversations at home/in the car, he is NOT the quiet person I thought I was dating.
It’s no wonder his daughter constantly yells, he does it all the time for no f**king reason.
– [deleted user]
9. The TP technique.
When my boyfriend wipes his a** he turns on the faucet wets his a hand a bit (apparently for grip for the toilet paper) and wipe his a**.
I don’t understand his logic for that because I feel like it would just cause the tissue to tear leaving him with a sh**ty palm
10. A drinking problem.
She never wants a drink but will always take a sip (gulp) of my drink before I’ve even taken a sip.
If you try and outsmart her and come with two drinks she won’t drink hers.
Drives me insane!
11. Proficient portmanteau.
He combines related words into new words which still make sense because the words he used to combine are obvious. He does it on the fly and does not realize he does it.
Dispendable (disposable + expendable) Banane (banal + inane)
12. You can pick your friends…
When she has one or more boogers in her nose. she grabs a f**king tissue, usually sits down next to me, proceeds to pick her nose for 10 straight minutes and starts casually talking to me.
She puts them orderly in a line on the tissue. rarely until her nose bleeds. I´m disgusted and weirded the f**k out by that and she thinks it’s totally normal.
13. Stay regular.
She poops like once for the week which usually results in her clogging the toilet. Then she calls me to help her unclog it! I have become quite adept at it.
If I disturb her sleep at night she awakens and says random s**t. “Chinese restaurant!” And “no I won’t fit!” Are the most recent random things she said while I getting into bed.
14. Water conservation.
When she washes dishes, she fills a dish with hot water mixed with soap, turns the faucet off, dips the sponge to get more soapy water, and rinses all the dishes at once at the end. When I wash dishes, I leave the water on at a low volume, dump soap on my sponge, and wash and rinse every dish before picking up the next one.
Turns out it’s because she’s from California where they learn water conservation habits and I’m from rural MN, the land of 10k lakes and my house had it’s own well-water. Water conservation was a completely foreign concept to me until I moved away from home.
15. The night pair.
My SO had told me he occasionally slept-walked, but I didn’t know the extent of these episodes until it happened.
One of the first nights we had moved into a room near our college, he kept mumbling angrily in his sleep – no words, just angry noises. Suddenly he jumps off the bed, viciously rips off his shirt, stands for a bit, then turns and falls back into bed.
Next morning he’s very confused as to why his shirt’s on the floor.
A few nights later he apparently wandered out of our room and into the communal kitchen, kinda “looked” in the direction of our confused housemates when they greeted him, then wandered back to our room.
We’re a fun pair because I’m a sleep talker, and he said he once woke up to me reciting a detailed story draft plan (I’m a writer and was completing a creative writing degree at college).
16. Couldn’t you just bundle your socks when you wash them?
We’ve been married a little over 10 years. I just realized a month ago, he lays his socks out every night before bed. Not a shirt, not a pair of pants or his belt, but his socks.
[…] He says he’s been doing it since he was a kid. He hates wasting time trying to find mates. He likes to sleep in as late as he can before heading out the door, this I did know. It’s a time saver. 🙂
17. The phantom pooper.
We’ve been married for 21 years and I have only heard him burp maybe 2 times and fart about the same. He is also a phantom pooper…. no smell and he’s in and out in record time. It’s so weird.
I’m pretty normal in the gas department but feel like an absolute Neanderthal if I let one rip.
18. The ultra-binger.
He’s a binger. If he finds a musician he likes, he’ll buy the whole catalog.
Cool video game? Stay up until all hours every night until he’s gone all the way through it.
Good book? Let’s read everything that author ever wrote!
He just tended to binge on something that grabbed his interest.
After I called it to his attention, he became a little more balanced, but he still goes all-in on some things. It’s sorta cute.
19. Coma time.
I thought he didn’t like my cooking because he would rush into the plate and then not say anything afterwards to me.
Turns out that when he eats something he really enjoys he will eat it REALLY vigorously and then have to recover from his food coma.
20. Tale as old as time.
She cries all the time.
90% of the time because of the movie/TV show/Podcast she is watching. Other 15% is just random “i’m so lucky to have you” happy crying.
Is both endearing and funny to me.
Her first mistake was when i found out she crys to beauty and the beast music.
Now i will make her dinner and listen to the music while i cook forcing her to come and cry with me or to throw things at me while laughing/crying.
21. What is up with this?
Her adoration of blankets and pillows.
We have far too many for each piece of furniture… And the blankets slowly get accumulated by the dog as bed buddies or humping rags.
22. Sock it to me.
My girlfriend is the type of person to get cold easily when going to bed, so she wears socks to sleep. The thing is she never wakes up with socks on.
She takes them off in the middle of the night, and puts them under her pillow.
Since she is sleeping she somehow does not know this. I have looked under her pillow and found 9 separate pairs of socks.
I take those socks, clean them, and put them away for her because she’s hella cute.
23. Why are ya’ll watching each other wipe your butts?
He only uses one square of toilet paper to wipe his a**.
He tears it off the roll, folds it into a triangle (like hotel style) and wipes.
If he needs another piece, he slowly does this all over again.
24. The thrasher.
When brushing his teeth, he doesn’t swish water in mouth using his cheek muscles like a normal person, he vigorously thrashes his head back and forth.
I have been told his older brother does this as well.
25. Pop culture.
At most, she only drinks the first third of any can of pop. Generally, one of the following issues arises at that point:
Enough time has elapsed that the liquid’s temperature is too high or carbonation is too low
The center of mass of the can has moved towards the base, making it feel worse in the hand
She is hit harder than any other individual by any volume-based beverage taxes.
26. The mummy.
Sometimes while he’s sleeping he creeps his way onto my side of the bed.
He also likes to sleep with a fan on but a thin blanket over his head.
So I’ll wake up to a human shaped being two inches from my face.
27. Scars of the past.
Wife would make a mistake when cooking, or drop something, and completely melt down in fear of the coming reprisal, furiously trying to make it right.
She doesn’t do this anymore after being married for 8 years.
Her mother is a controlling short tempered obsessive hoarding person. Her father is a short tempered abusive loud idiot who has to be right all the time.
28. Put it to rest.
Everything had to be done exactly her way. Like, if I made the bed and it wasn’t made the exact way she makes the bed, she would complain and make me do it again.
Shockingly, we’re no longer together
29. The cold truth.
Well, my ex, but I lived with him briefly.
He wouldn’t heat up canned food before eating it.
I already find stuff like canned pasta pretty gross, but watching him tear open a can of Chef Boyardee and eat it cold made me gag.
30. The “basement?”
He won’t drink the “basement” of most drinks, he tells me he doesn’t want fries but always eats some of mine instead, prefers occupying the space I’m sleeping in on our bed (“You looked so comfy and warm!”), and is the most adorable drunk person.
He also tries to use dad jokes on me to get his way.. I’m actually not sure what outcome he’s hoping for when he does that.
Man, just when you think you know someone.
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