Is there anything more nerve-wracking than a first date?
Yes.
A first date with someone you’re really super into already.
How do you calm your nerves before a date with a girl you really like?
byu/wakanda101 inAskReddit
But never fear, the people or Reddit are here to dispense their advice on the situation.
1. Remember she’s probably nervous too.
I was just talking about this with a friend. She was going on a first date and was so nervous she was thinking of cancelling last minute.
I was asking her, “Do you think guys are as nervous as girls on first dates?” For some reason, we never think that the other person is just as nervous as we are.
– HopefulGremlin11
2. It’s a win/win situation.
Just trust that if she’s not into you then you probably dodged a bullet anyway.
Good relationships are about compatibility, not a one sided crush.
If you’re compatible, it’ll work out fine.
– boones_farmer
3. Be interested, not interesting.
Your job isn’t to be interesting to her, but to be interested in her. Her job is the reverse.
If both of you show a genuine interest in each other – in the person, not merely the appearance – then you’ll avoid much of the posturing and self-aggrandisement that may otherwise make you feel they don’t like you but merely who you presented as.
When you shift your focus from trying to impress, to trying to be impressed, there’s a lot less stress.
– bookgrub
4. Timing is everything.
I try to ask people out before I crush out too hard, honestly. I try to reach that “really like” stage when the interest is already established as mutual.
If I am really excited for a date, I try to remind myself that I don’t know them very well and things aren’t likely to go as great as I imagine they could go. Often, I need to manage my expectations before I can actually see where something could go.
– stink3rbelle
5. Follow this strange checklist.
Jump up and down, take a crap and have a pee, blow your nose and check for boogers.
Make sure you smell good and are clean. Brush your teeth, clean your glasses, make sure your hair is neat.
Then watch hilarious cat memes while you wait so you already have a happy smile and have been laughing, so you’ll be more at ease already.
– LyallaTime
6. In the end, it doesn’t even matter.
Could’ve used this myself yesterday.
I have nothing to say about the nerves beforehand, but I have to say that in the end it doesn’t matter.
As soon as you see her, everything just goes away.
I know it sounds cliché, but I was really nervous and as soon as I saw her and said “Hello” all my nerves went away and we had a fun time.
– DiDiglett101
7. Remember they’re just humans.
Just remember: She got up with bad breath and frizzy hair, just like you did. She probably had to take a massive s**t before going to work, just like you did. I get this mental picture of that hot person heading to the bathroom in the morning looking and feeling like h**l, holding their hand to their mouth, sniffing, and going, “Ewww,” before hitting a bottle of mouthwash. Then, sitting down on the toilet to do the same thing we all do–complete with horrific fart sounds that sound like a broken trumpet. She’s cradling her head in her hands thinking, “I feel horrible. Satan is trying to claw his way out of my a**.”
When you visualize that hot person acting exactly like everyone else does in very basic situations –because believe me, they do– it makes them less intimidating.
– [deleted user]
8. Find inspiration in this story.
Lol, i was a dumb 21 year old about to take out a successful, ridiculously sexy, 30 year old nurse.
Try those nerves on. ??
I did what i could. Next time i saw her she gave me some sexy eyes…
After the date (consisting of watching a season of family guy with her) i knew i had to kiss her to not end up getting friend-zoned like what had always happened to me.
No idea where it came from, but i said-
“would it be totally Inappropriate if i wanted to kiss you right now?”
She let out the biggest smile. I went in for it.
Closed my eyes. Literally saw fireworks. Kiss must’ve been good, the next time i saw her she gave me a key to her place. ??
Married the h**l out of her. We’ve been together for like 15 years. She’s still perfect and insanely hot.
– meh35m
9. Assume attraction.
First and foremost, assume attraction. You are on a date after all.
Get a good night of sleep, eat well that day, and give yourself plenty of time to get ready. Taking care of yourself will help you relax
– bodaciousbonsai
10. Maybe this very pragmatic approach?
Make a list, long or short, of things that are important to you for a first date.
See how she measures up and remember that she is probably nervous too. The role of being the somewhat critical, but kind, reviewer will help to take your mind off of your discomfort.
On subsequent dates, expand the list to more and more important topics like religion, parenthood, education, but not too serious too fast.
– SyntheticOne
11. Remember the duality.
Mentally: Remind yourself that she said yes because she already is interested in you and wants to see where it goes.
In a way it’s just like going in for a job interview in the sense that you were asked to go because they already think you’re a viable candidate. Aside from that, it isn’t and should feel like a job interview.
Physically: Take a good hot shower or have yourself a soak. Then again that’s pretty much how I process all my nerves/stress/anxiety lol.
– TheSpeckler
12. Become fascinated.
No matter what, it’s a connection to a new person with new ideas, perspectives, interests, and knowledge on completely different things than you. Get excited about all of the knowledge you can soak up from someone new.
It doesn’t matter if they are a CEO of a company or the janitor, they will have ideas and opinions that will challenge your ideas and basis of existence. I’m more introverted than extroverted so I lean into this concept hard when preparing for a date and love to ask questions that make my date think and respond from their base mentality and personality.
– Ihavebeliefs
13. Don’t try to impress.
The game changer for me was realising that trying to “impress her” was a completely messed up mindset.
The whole point of dating is to find someone you naturally fit with and would work well with – presumably with the hope of finding someone you can spend your life with.
Instead of worry about making a good impression, think about whether SHE is a good fit for YOU
– thepotatoemoji
14. Remember to breathe.
Deep breaths or box breathing. Basically inhaling for 5 holding your breath for 3-5 seconds and then exhaling for 8.
I do this a lot when I’m really nervous for a doctors appointment or something and it really does work!
– Salt-Ad8909
15. Or you could just give up.
You don’t. You blather on awkwardly for a solid 20 minutes and pray she thinks your awkwardness is adorable instead of a barrel of crimson flags.
Then you get ghosted and eat ice cream alone in the dark.
– mrdalo
Maybe don’t pay as much attention to that last one.
What’s your biggest piece of dating advice?
Tell us in the comments.