Let’s talk about cheating.
More specifically, let’s talk about finding out that someone you know is cheating, and what to do about it.
MOST specifically, let’s address this post on r/UnpopularOpinion by user Waywardshrink:
“You should absolutely expose someone who’s cheating if you find out you’re the other person.”
But is it really that simple? Reddit, weigh in here.
1. The Texas Chief
There’s a Texas police chief who’s in the hot seat right now, because he’s married and has two other women on the side, and one found out and exposed it on the police department’s FB page.
I read that they inactivated the account after that.
Not only in that town, but people all over Texas are calling for his job. I could be mistaken, but I think it said he has another family with one of the other women. I just don’t get it. I also don’t know how people think they can keep that hidden either.
2. It happens more often than you’d think.
From a NYT article.
“According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, national surveys indicate that 15 percent of married women and 25 percent of married men have had extramarital affairs. The incidence is about 20 percent higher when emotional and sexual relationships without intercourse are included.”
To be honest it actually seems kind of low to me, from my own surroundings I would say the number is even higher. And this is just for the married people.
3. Safety first?
Unless you are worried for your safety.
I saw a post of a girl who was basically groomed by a married man and she was scared for her life.
I know that’s a super extreme case and not most cases. However, I think if you are worried for your safety you should prioritize that.
4. It can be for the best.
I was that person.
Guy I was with swore he didn’t have a Facebook or anything. Come to find out he had me blocked so I couldn’t see his girlfriend. Gave him a chance to tell her. He didn’t.
I messaged her and showed her all The texts where he said he was single. She thanked me and broke up with him.
Apparently it wasn’t the first time he cheated.
5. Don’t underestimate denial.
People are often in denial and the victim will often fall into cognitive dissonance and in the end shoot the messenger while staying in the relationship and “working on it”. For many people it takes more than one time of getting caught to give up the person they’ve invested time and love into.
If you’re the person who found out that your SO is married or in a relationship, their spouse/so will most likely blame you and forgive their cheater. Especially if they have kids.
I’ve done it. It’s not the payoff you think it is.
6. Feeling ashamed.
I agree with you, yes. But I think people keep quiet because they either feel ashamed and don’t want to be judged for something they had no control over (that is if they didn’t know a person they’re having sex with has a partner), or they don’t want to be responsible for breaking up someone’s marriage, so they rather just back down quietly.
Let me just add, a woman being the one doing the cheating or being someone’s lover would probably receive more hate than the man in the same position in my opinion.
7. Bad gonna bad?
People who cheat are horrible people.
Horrible people don’t like getting told they are horrible
8. It’s all subjective.
This can be incredibly subjective.
I have been the “other woman” several times and only once did I try to tell the girl, but she didn’t believe me and accused me of trying to break them up so I can get with her boyfriend (the one who already was “with” me). Then, the guy got mad that I tried to out him and he said he wished he never touched me. This screwed with my head in so many ways. My integrity was questioned and either way, once word got out, I’d be the “home wrecker” or any other derogatory term for mistress. It became clear at that time that I was never good enough to be the one in a relationship, just the side piece, and I had believed it. Somehow, the blame got placed on the third person, not the one who actively cheated, so I learned to stay quiet.
Now I will say that if I knew someone was in a monogamous relationship and they wanted to initiate stuff with me, I would remind them they are in a relationship. 9/10 times they did not care. If people want to cheat, they’re going to cheat.
I’ve learned and grown from those experiences and I’m in a solid, committed relationship now. I just wanted to point out that while I agree with your opinion, humans are *ssholes who will make the person outside of the relationship the bad guy just to save face.
9. It’s SO hard to hear.
I’ve abandoned friends who knew and didn’t tell me just to hear “yeah I heard rumors she was cheating on you and I didn’t think it was my place to break it to you” knowing d*mn well it was happening a month before I found out.
I’d rather ruin a friendship by telling them rather than not have their back
10. People kinda suck.
if you know about it at all expose it imo lol
but also a big issue in the first place is people staying/continuing in unhealthy/unsatisfying relationships. communication is important, and if you find you’re unhappy with who you’re with, it’s so so important to talk it out, and if you find out its for the better you go, especially if they’re not even trying to listen, then that’s how it should be.
but nah, people would rather be liars, cheaters, and cut far deeper by doing so rather than just being mature and understanding about it.
11. A health perspective.
This is a public health issue. Someone who is cheating on their partner is potentially exposing them to STIs. We need to tell people when they are being exposed to diseases and infections they might not be aware of.
12. Fear of revenge.
I had a friend debating to herself whether or not she should tell this girl that her boyfriend had been cheating on her with my friend. It’s not always an easy decision.
My friend was legit scared that the guy would have done something else to ruin her back or take revenge.
It sucks that his girlfriend won’t know but idk, the person exposing them also needs to think about their own safety too.
13. Easier said than done.
This is like the “if you’re bullied tell an adult” opinion its true but its hard to do
14. Not trying to die.
Yo but I’m trying not to die.
People shoot the messenger, especially when he’s f*cking their wife.
15. Insult to injury.
Yeah, but don’t laugh while telling the person.
That was a horrible way to find out.
Never been more angry in my life
The one time in my life I was cheated on, I got told by a mutual friend. But I was a teenager so I just went and listened to some moody music about it for a decade or so and I was fine.
What do you think about this?
Tell us in the comments.