Everybody knows a loner. Though I suppose if they were a TRUE loner maybe nobody would know them?
In any case, we as social creatures tend to have strange reactions to such a thing.
But the important question, as always, is “how does Reddit feel about that?” Let’s find out.
1. There’s a learning curve
The person I am currently dating was exactly like this. I didn’t immediately enter into a relationship with him until after we’d met in person and gotten to know each other a bit more.
Introduced him to my own friend group so they could help me assess him and it turned out he just…. wasn’t a social person IRL. Nothing wrong with him outside of that.
I’m the first girlfriend he’s ever had but he’s probably the sweetest guy I’ve ever dated.
He can be a little awkward sometimes. He’s learning how to juggle different personalities and how to handle sensitive people. It’s been a learning curve but he’s getting it.
It helps that my friend group is extremely patient and supportive. He’s become good friends with a few of them and they often game together now without my having to be there.
2. Sometimes it’s a tragedy
My wife and child died few years ago.
My best friends from high school and college have died.
I don’t make new friends anymore.
I ride my bike and take care of my dog and keep to myself.
3. New in town
I’m that person.
Just moved to a new town a few months ago and there aren’t many ways to socialize here.
I’ve been staying focused on work, and have made some really big moves but d**n do I get lonely and miss my friends back home.
I would invite them over to cook some food and listen to some records or play video games.
4. The bliss betwixt the chaos
This describes me, but let me explain.
I work in a very high pressure place with lots of traffic/people and loud music. It’s usually fast paced and frantic (the owner hates people standing around), so when I get home I don’t want to be around people, I don’t want loud anything, I just want peace and quiet and play and spoil my cats.
Leave me alone and let me enjoy my 12-14 hours of bliss before I have to jump back to chaos.
5. Eh, who cares
Does this person seem to have a decent personality, and do I enjoy my time with them?
If the answers are Yes, then honestly I could care less about what they do with the rest of their free time.
6. Maybe it’s a you problem
I’ll tell you an honest story.
I dated a girl that was always home and didn’t seem to have many/any friends. I was a little put off and ended up breaking up with her.
A short time later I realized how dumb I was. She was wonderful and my original feelings were just my own insecurity issues or need for validation. We just celebrated our 15th year of marriage and have a beautiful child together.
What I’m trying to say is, if you have a problem with someone for having zero friends, then the problem might be with yourself. Take a look in, first.
7. Maybe they never learned
They may have not learned ‘appropriate’ social skills as a child, and therefore struggle in adult relationships. Give them a chance.
This was me, for many years. I overshared, had no filter, let my inner thoughts show way too much and couldn’t control my temper because this is the environment I grew up in.
I learned social skills…painfully, losing many a friend along the way. I was lucky to find a few patient friends who taught me what worked, and what didn’t.
8. A few options
One – computer geek.
Two – anxiety problems,
Three – experience with other people, turned out not so great so they shy away
Four – there are lots of people like that and they’re posting on reddit.
9. The introverts
They are probably an introvert.
I have known a lot in my life and I get on well with them, as long as there is plenty of time to gently forge a friendship (for example as co-workers)
10. We value our hobbies
My husband and I fell into this category. He spent all his time playing video games. I spent all my time at home reading and watching TV. We met because we were in the same cohort in grad school. Had we not dragged ourselves to cohort outings because it’s what you’re supposed to do while in grad school, we might not have gotten together.
We both enjoy our hobbies far more than we enjoy being out with people. Now, we do those hobbies together, or we give each other the space to do them on our own. We understand the value of alone time, recognize that when one of us needs alone time it isn’t an insult to the other person, and we also have so many things we enjoy doing together.
Sure, there are the news stories about loners. Then, there are the loners who don’t make the news but are still a**holes. But there are plenty of loners who just enjoy their own company and their own hobbies.
11. Quiet or snobbish?
It depends on the reasons why he is a loner.
If he is an introvert and prefers to spend time on his own then it’s fine.
If he implies that everyone is stupid and he can’t stand them, then my first thought would have been to run.
12. You need a hero
I met someone like this. She was either in her thirties or fifties. She lived at home, taking care of parents who I began to realize had her in emotional bondage.
I worked at a comic book store and she was timidly coming in to look at Captain America comics. She hid them at home. I befriended her as best I could and made sure I was usually working the days she was likely to come in. The dudes I worked with were super nice, really good people, but she was REALLY nervous and I (female) made her most comfortable. The dudes understood. We got her out of her shell a little; she got a pull box for new Cap comics and she got into the then-starting Winter Soldier storyline really hard.
It wasn’t a case where there were really any resources to help her, so I just made sure the shop was a brief sanctuary. I had to move out of state eventually. I hope she’s still out there, doing better and fanning over the miniseries.
I also hope her parents are dead and she inherited a boodle. I really f**king do. Wherever you are, Cap fan, know I’m still worrying about you over a decade later.
13. Careful out there
I befriended someone (let’s call her Holly) through a volunteer group and I found out that her 40th birthday was coming up and she had zero plans, because she had no friends.
I felt bad for her so I went to my group of friends and suggested we plan a ‘girls’ night’ around Holly’s birthday. One friend said “I don’t know, I’ve talked to her a few times and she seems kind of nuts” but I persisted, we moved forward, and not only was the girls’ night a success but Holly became a regular member of the group.
Fast forward about six months and this 40 year old woman was drunk at my house, hitting on my 23 year old son, cyber-stalking my married cousin and generally making my life miserable.
No good deed goes un-punished. Be careful.
14. Maybe you can be the first
Is this supposed to deter me from being their friend or something?
If they don’t have any other friends they probably are busy with work or just don’t have good social skills.
But if I’m cool with that person idk why that matters.
Like unless they don’t have friends because they like a murderer I really don’t know why I’d give a s**t.
15. Red flags
If you asked me a few years ago I would without a second thought be friends with them. I mean that’s what I always have done so what could go wrong?
Well me now? Well something did go wrong and I now know to be more careful.
I still do want to become friends but it does depend on the person and if there are red flags.
Friends in need of friends are friends indeed a…friend.
Have you known someone like this?
Tell us in the comments.