Dates are tough, and usually we’re trying our very best to do everything within our power to make them go well.

But what if, hypothetically, you wanted something a little different?

You have five seconds to ruin a date, what do you do?
byu/Itz_Syth inAskReddit

Unsurprisingly, Reddit has ways to ruin things quickly.

Let’s take a look!

1. The hunger technique

Eat my food like I do when I’m on my own

– ToBoredomAGem

2. The art of the crunch

My sister told me about a quiet pub date she had with a guy recently who bought himself 2 packs of pork scratchings.

He opened both bags and separated them by most crunchy to least crunchy and then would pick 2 up at a time and ask her which one he should eat next.

He did this for the whole date.

They didn’t have a second date.

– Reave1905

3. The full assault

Ooh something I’m good at! Quickly find a way to steer the conversation to the eastern front during World War Two, and just keep talking about Stalingrad.

Once their eyes glaze over you know the city on the Volga has claimed yet another life

– tateochip

4. The money gambit

So, how much did you say you earn?

– dior_princess

5. The familiar face

Hi! Wow, you look just like my ex!


– firewire87

6. The vital vidya

Tell them I’ve played 7000 hrs of Grand Theft Auto.

Watch the interest dry up immediately.

– thelocalllegend

7. The gambling gambit

I used to work at a gaming bar.. this dude was on a first date and had been drinking with a girl for a while.

An hour or so in, he put like 40 bucks in the machine. He ended up hitting for like $1200 or something. Nothing crazy, but a nice hit.

We paid him out and he ordered a round of shots and soon after said he had to use the restroom.

Dude bolted. Left the girl with the bill. She legit walked in the bathroom looking for him, walked around the building.

Felt bad for her. She started crying at the bar, had a shot, and paid the bill while she waited for an Uber. Ouch.

– PuddingPoops

8. The sniff shift

One time a guy leaned over and deeply smelled a lock of my hair within the first couple minutes of our meeting for the first time.

I made up an excuse and left

– LydiaAgain

9. The unexpected double

Bring my friend and expect my date to treat them.

– s**ykenobi

10. Just go too fast

Say “I love you please marry me I’m not kidding”

– Thermal_bay

11. The “nice guy”

“I’m a really nice guy, like super nice, I would treat you so Good. Now show me your t**s.”

– invinoveritasb**ch

12. The warranty

I just watched this all play out in my head:

You meet someone online who seems to click with you.

You arrange to meet at a cozy restaurant.

When you arrive they’re already at the table, waiting for you.

You – hi, you look amazing

Date – thanks, now I’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.

Pulls out huge wad of paper, and dumps it on the table

Date – you see it states here in the terms and condi..

– Your_One_Lord

13. The slug…system?

Pour salt on them and say “sorry, I really, really, reaaaaaaallllllly hate slugs”

– Randomredditwhale

14. Start a fight

Pull up their social media and point out all the things they like that you don’t

– _manicpixie

Yup, I’d say those are all sure to work.

Do you have any others to add?

Tell us in the comments.